Breaking up with someone is one of the hardest things we can do in life (emotionally). We resist it, even when we know it’s for the best – that we end up in a happier, more fulfilling place. But oh my god, getting there isn’t fun.
Healing takes time, and humans are not patient.
We avoid our pain and hurt in several ways…by hooking up with people who don’t matter to us, by stalking our exes over social media to make sure that they haven’t started seeing someone new, by indulging more in drinking, weed, or whatever your vice happens to be. I wrote a little guidebook to help people walk through and get to the other side.
I’m not judging – we’ve all done this. Sometimes a bottle of wine and bingeing sad movies are what keep us from screaming in the middle of a park filled with families and people having fun. (Seriously, it’s hard to watch happy people when you aren’t happy.)
This is why we have to take a long-term view when we are knee-deep in depression. If we could step back from our immediate pain to see the path in front of us, to see where we want to go, then we can begin taking the steps to get there. But until then, we’re kind of stuck in our pain.
I see people fall back into relationships that aren’t good for them again and again. This is one of the hardest things about break-ups: we want the person we love to change, to act better, to be more respectful, to be…different. Then – we think – it will work! It’s hard to accept that the best parts of the person you fell in love with aren’t necessarily who your partner actually is. And sometimes we choose to ignore the red flags along the way and jump in head-first anyway. Why not take a chance on love when you feel the passion?
Love is always a chance. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take it.
But here’s the thing: it doesn’t always work out. This isn’t a reflection of you, your success rate, or the fact that you chose poorly. It just means that this particular relationship wasn’t meant to last longer. It means that you can move on to someone who’s a better fit, who brings out the best in you.
You might be rolling your eyes or cursing me right now, especially if you are in the middle of your pain. But take a step back, and look out towards that path to your future. It’s time to start walking one step at a time towards it. Your ex isn’t going to change just because you want that – we all have free will, which means we can stay stuck forever if we want.
The bigger question is, do you want to stay stuck in the current cycle of disappointment and pain, or do you want to move on?
This is a hard question to answer sometimes. We cling to our past, to what we know, even if it isn’t good for us. But just like loving someone requires us to take a leap into the unknown into something that may or may not work out, loving yourself requires the same leap, the same courage.
Take a chance on yourself and your future. Take that leap for you.
XO,
Kelly
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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