If you’ve read my book, you know how I feel about getting stuck in a dating rut. You know what I mean – there are times all of us have felt tired, worn out, and hopeless – like nothing will change. And while you might go on a few dates that are lackluster at best, adding fuel to your “I hate dating” fire, is that really the whole truth?
Dating is hard, but then – aren’t all relationships? How many of us get along perfectly with our partners, parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, or bosses? How many of us never run into conflict, or judge, or want to change someone and make them think like we do?
Yeah, I thought so. We all have difficult relationships from time to time. We all have to work on ourselves and how we relate to others, how we relate to the world. And it’s no different with dating. The difference is – we have big expectations. We want instant synchronicity, a partner in crime – someone who will never not “get” us.
Everyone wants incredible, unmistakable chemistry and romance, and that is part of the beauty of falling in love. It changes who you are, and who you want to be in the world. You feel like you can accomplish anything, which is amazing! But it also means you can build up this unrealistic expectation of how someone should be just “perfect” for you – or at least, your idea of perfect. But the truth is, if we’re living life, we’re growing, we’re still figuring out who we are, and more importantly – who we are in the context of a relationship. Which means we’re always working on communicating better, loving more deeply, figuring out where to go from here. It’s just living life.
When you’re dating, you’ll meet people who do not rock your world, or even spend more than thirty minutes in it. And that’s okay. But what’s important to remember – what you should always be asking yourself is – what am I learning? What has this person taught me about myself? Because these are warm-up exercises for those same questions that you’ll be asking when you’re in a relationship.
We are multi-dimensional creatures, human beings. We are beautiful, we are interesting, and we change as we grow. We are learning about each other – and ourselves – all the time. We can choose to look at failed relationships and dating as cumbersome, or miraculous learning experiences that are really prepping us for the real thing, a lasting relationship.
Our happiness doesn’t lie in other people – but in how we each see and react and live and just be in the world.
How we experience the world is entirely up to us.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Beautiful advice Kelly. I agree whole-heartedly. Sometimes I get caught up thinking that GETTING to a relationship is the end goal and that from there on it’ll be all sunshine and rainbows, but it takes blood, sweat and probably a lot of tears.
I love your comment: “Our happiness doesn’t lie in other people – but in how we each see and react and live and just be in the world.” So TRUE! Great post, Kelly!
This is such a great post because I am constantly trying to help single friends who act almost desperate to find a boyfriend or girlfriend. So many of them aren’t happy with themselves, so there is no way they could be happy in a relationship, but that is a hard thing to understand. I blame it on Cinderella–meet the prince and it’s only happiness from then on, right? Umm…wrong!
Thank you loves! I feel like I’m writing all these heavy posts right now, because I talk to so many frustrated people—plus I am always talking to myself and how I should approach things, too! Anyway, thanks for the lovely comments. XO
Dating definitely can be frustrating but you’re right, it’s also a great learning experience. What we take from it is even more important. Great post!