I was having drinks with a friend of mine last week. We were sitting at the bar, having a rather heated discussion about the struggles of dating and boys (of course). I’m firmly in the “of course you’ll find someone if you’re patient and persistent” camp, while she’s more of the “I’ll believe it when he sticks around” camp.
Anyway, I notice the guy sitting next to me keeps looking over. At first, i think it’s because the football game on the TV hanging over us has ended and now he’s bored and wanting to eavesdrop. But then i notice he keeps staring at my friend. And not in the “what the hell are you talking about” way, but in the “wow, she’s hot” kind of way. I try to figure out a good way to invite him into the conversation. It only seems logical that I ask him what he thinks of the dating scene in L.A. My friend is puzzled that I’m even talking to him. She gives me a look. Like, Kelly – he’s such a player. Why are you doing this?
Then they get into an argument (sort of), with him on the defensive. She talks about the douchebag things the guys she dated have done. She talks about what she really wants. And then she says, “I’ll never find it in L.A. anyway.” And then proceeds to tell him that all guys are the same.
I’m trying to figure out how to stop this rollercoaster of barbs back and forth. After all, the poor guy was just having a beer and watching the game. And he was looking for a way to ask for my friend’s number. Little did he know he’d be defending himself and his gender.
I roll my eyes and step in, because this is ridiculous. I remember when I was single how I used to welcome arguments with men I met, just so i could call them on their shit. It felt good. I felt vindicated for all those bad dates and worse behavior. But the thing is, you can’t take a brush and paint a stereotype of an entire gender over one man. We don’t even know this man. He could be a player because we met him at a bar and he’s good looking, or he could be the greatest guy ever. One doesn’t know until one actually exchanges numbers and goes out on a real date. So I stopped her from judging and making assumptions about him – something I wish a friend had done for me long before.
I turned to face my friend and said, “I think what he’s trying to say is he finds you attractive and wants to ask for your number.” Then I turned to this man next to me and said, “my friend is a fantastic girl – you should ask her out.”
Then I excused myself to go to the restroom and waited. When I came back, she’d given him her number.
“How did you know he was into me?” she asked, tipsy from the wine and maybe the guy.
“He kept flirting and looking over at you the whole night. How could you not have noticed?”
“I thought he was just messing with us. I had no idea he was interested. He probably won’t call anyway.”
I stopped in my tracks. I was like this before I met my man – questioning everyone’s intentions because you don’t believe that things happen so easily – that you can meet a man at a bar and he can find you attractive and ask you out. Usually he just collects the number and you never hear from him, so why bother?
Long story short, he is a nice guy, and just kept trying to get her attention. First by flirting, then by flattering, then by arguing about her theory of men. My friend was so intent on seeing her previous bad dates in him that she had no idea he was interested. And if she did, she didn’t believe it. Now they are going on like their fourth date in less than two weeks.
Be open to meeting people, is all I’m saying. Pay attention.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Leave a Reply