The studies OkCupid puts out are worth reading, if only for sheer entertainment value. I’m not sure if their subscriber base is really indicative of daters as a whole (meat market?), but I’ll bite.
The most recent study found that women who are perceived as “ugly” by some actually get more interest/messages than those who are considered “universally cute”. They know this because OkCupid allows you to rate the women as you search through their profiles. Fun right?
So, let’s say Carla has most guys rating her as a “3” or a “4” (out of 5). She’s considered cute…above average, universally liked. However, Jenna has half of the guys rating her as a “1” and the other half a “5”. Her looks are somehow more controversial…which means Jenna gets way more messages. The reasoning is that guys think they have more of a chance with a girl who other guys find unattractive…less competition.
For this I have to say no way. How many times have 2 girls walked into a bar, and the guys hit on the hottest one? Don’t they like competition?
Again, this is stereotyping and an oversimplification. But who knows, maybe OkCupid has a point.
I think attraction is individual, which means studying it seems kind of futile. And the whole idea of rating people on a dating website? That just pisses me off. It’s bad enough when your friends look through your matches and point out the obvious flaws. Do we need total strangers to sum everyone up in 5 points or less? And do we need other people rating us??
Anyway, OkCupid’s advice was to play up your flaws, not hide them. Because someone out there is bound to like the ugly parts. I guess this should make us feel better as women…
My advice…ignore the ratings and go with your gut. If someone seems interesting, reach out. Until you meet someone in person, you just never know.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Women’s plight is looking at men as a whole.
Men’s plight is looking at women as a hole.
But let’s not generalize. 😉
Where I come from, we say “beauty doesn’t make a home.” But until we start doing what we say, lots of homes will have been made by beauties.
I have a theory.
Notice how everything considered “ugly” or scary in nature comes with hidden blessings? Snakes aren’t particularly considered hot; yet, their poison cures many of our infections. Crocodiles are terrifying; yet, their blood supposedly contains cancer cures. Purposely leaving out the “crocodiles make for cute bags/shoes” argument here. 😀
To prove that our eyes are our worst organs, let me wrap this up with a joke.
A blind man got married to a woman with a wooden leg but didn’t know that fact about her. On their wedding night, the bride took off her wooden leg and put it on top of the wardrobe. Dying of anticipating to make love to his woman, and unable to see her, the groom asks: “where’s your leg, sweetie?” to which his bride replies “it’s on top of the wardrobe.” Ecstatic, the groom exclaims “Oooh, baby! That’s some hot pose right there!” 😉
P.S. Kelly, could you display a “notify me of replies” box, below the comment section, for us to receive comment stream via email?
OK Cupid says to play up your flaws? Interesting advice. Tho Who’s to tell what others think your flaws are. They’re not always the same as what you think your flaws are. Still, it’s encouraging to know that I don’t necessarily have to look perfect in my headshots!
Wilmaryad – I always love it when you stop by! I need to add a few things to the posts—like sharing as well as comment stream subscriptions. Thanks for the suggestion. As soon as my technical prowess with this thing gets better, you will get your wish!
P.S. And thanks for the stories…ha!
Hi Sharon, and welcome! Very true—we all see ourselves differently than others see us. I guess I’m just thrown by the rating system as a whole…I mean, it really doesn’t help you find better matches, which is the point. It just gives you a complex. Oh well, at least those with “flaws” seem to be getting more responses…altho don’t we all have them? Interesting.
I think we’re blind to our true flaws, focusing instead on perceived flaws.
“30, brunette, nose disproportionate to head”