I’m skipping ahead a bit in my posts. I’ll do the sex one later, still as promised. But first, something has been bothering me lately. Usually, it helps to spell it out in my blog, so bear with me.
I’ve spent a lot of time and energy comparing myself to others. It started out with grade school…I was jealous of the girls who wore the pretty black patent leather shoes with big bows on them (80’s, for reference). I thought my life would change if I had these same shoes. I’m not sure how, but it would have been magical.
Fast forward…same thing when I was in my twenties. It was the height of the Internet boom, and I was working for a bus company trying to get people to take vanpools to work. I would have given anything to be like my friends, moving up in title and salary. I’d had the same position for three years, with an embarrassingly small salary. I justified it by thinking I was doing something good for the environment, but secretly I wanted the new computers and TVs they were buying.
They were also getting married, and I was online dating. I would go to their houses (not apartments), drink from real wine glasses and eat from real, matching plates. This wasn’t my life in my little studio apartment. I felt like a college student while my friends seemed to be growing up.
Flash forward 10 years, and I’d had about 12 jobs, trying to break in to entertainment and still dating. My friends had long married, some divorced, and most were having kids. I would look around me, and I wondered where I’d made a wrong turn, what I should have done differently, how I could be more secure in where I was in my life. How I could be grown-up and in control like them.
I drove myself crazy. Comparing myself to others only made me feel sad and insecure.
But what could I do? My life wasn’t moving along like everyone else’s, and I was stuck with it. I spent most of my time wishing for something else. Wishing for an intervention of sorts. Wishing for a relationship, a secure job, a real, grown-up life.
But then, in my thirties, I decided to stop. Strangely enough, it seemed to happen overnight, though maybe that’s only how I choose to remember it. I realized my life would never be like theirs, nor did I want it to be. I had certain freedoms, of course, being single. But I also had a better sense of myself, and I’d had different experiences which made me a different person. I knew I’d never be one of those women who would talk incessantly about my kids, or my husband, or even my job. Other things in my life became the focus. I finally realized that my life, not by comparison, was actually pretty good. I’d met so many good friends, worked in many industries, traveled a lot. I had an interesting life, not a predictable one. Which felt pretty good.
And the thing is, now that I am married and living a more “settled” life, I will never be a person on everyone else’s path. I’m proud of that. Having my own path actually turned out to be the most important thing I do with my life.
Individual paths make us who we are. Our decisions, our actions lead us to places and opportunities that are unique to each of us. They are outside of judgment…you or anyone else’s.
So when I catch myself comparing my career or anything to someone else, I realize that it’s an illusion. We are not clones. We shouldn’t apologize for being where we are, right now. Ever.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
I say you can have both, it is how you pace yourself.
Wonderful ..thanks a lot for posting a good informitive blog