I’m referring to the first email message you send to another online dater…specifically, someone who interests you.
In my experience, a first email message is not all that revealing, mostly because guys send out mass emails to a bunch of different girls, or they only say “hi, I liked your profile” and wait to get the conversation going. Maybe this was why I liked to skip this step and go straight to the first coffee date, which usually didn’t work out so well. And why I started hosting speed dating events (there was a time limit of four minutes per date). I’d rather meet someone face to face right away then drag conversations out over email. The anticipation built up with long phone calls and emails was too much—I felt really excited to meet the guy, then completely let down by actually meeting him (especially the guy with the lovely New Zealand accent). But I digress.
OkCupid’s blog is becoming an interesting source of information for stuff like this. Recently they studied 700,000 of their subscribers for patterns in what attracts people to your profile—fist, they revealed what pictures are most effective. Now, they have outlined what you should write in your email—or more importantly, NOT write.
Here’s what they said:
1. Spell words as you learned them in school. Ironically, people hate Internet speak when meeting someone online. So, please spell out words as opposed to writing the short versions: ur, u, r, luv, etc. Literacy:1, Netspeak:0.
2. Don’t compliment physical appearance. This one’s mostly for you guys. Don’t send an email telling a girl she is beautiful or sexy…apparently this might make her think you’re not.
3. Be specific. Begin the conversation by bringing up something you saw in a profile about his interests, her job, etc. This goes over a lot better than a generic compliment.
4. This one was funny—if you are a guy, you should be self-effacing in your message: “Sorry for this” or “This is probably kind of awkward”. Apparently girls feel less threatened or something.
For what it’s worth, try this out and see if you get different results. I’d like to see if daters on sites like Match and eHarmony have the same preferences.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
This is really astute advice, especially two and four. I always try to avoid email compliments – they are too easy, too desperate. I’m loving this blog right now!
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Those are spot on. Internet-speak is definitely a major turn off.