I’ll admit, I used to complain a lot about my dates when I got together with friends. I could list all the things that went wrong: how they cancelled at the last minute, talked incessantly about ex girlfriends, made sexual comments, or spat their food out when they talked, a stray crumb left floating in my nice glass of Syrah.
Men just don’t have manners. Amiright???
In all honesty, I’m sure they had lots to say about me too. I wasn’t always the best date. I showed up late. I had trouble carrying on conversation when I got bored. I was easily distracted.
When we’re quick to point the finger at others, finding their faults, chances our we’re hiding some of our own.
We all have bad habits. But it’s spring, which means it’s time to clean out our personal lives along with those overstuffed closets. Which is why I’m taking stock of my personal life, to see what habits I can let go of that no longer serve me. Even though I’m married, my relationship is not a finish line. In fact, being in a relationship pushes me harder to grow, to change, to reevaluate what I’m doing.
It’s a good thing, really.
We all get stuck in ruts, with unhealthy habits, which is when we know we have to shake things up.
We have to move outside our comfort zones, which is daunting. In my experience, dating can wear you down, make you believe that love isn’t out there for you. That somehow all the “good ones” are taken. Nothing can be further from the truth. (If so, for the more than half of American adults who are single – that really sucks…)
So don’t give up on dating, or on your favorite dating app. Instead, focus on what you can control, what you can change – yourself. More specifically, your perception and attitude.
Some questions to ask yourself so you can ditch those bad dating habits:
- Am I willing to date outside my type?
- Can I be more present on each date? (Put the phone away…)
- Can I treat every date with respect, even if I’m not attracted to him/ her?
- Am I really listening and keeping up my end of the conversation?
- Can I agree to a second date with someone I’m not too sure about?
- Can I refrain from judging my date or me while I’m on it?
- Can I stop assuming all men/ women are the same?
- Can I put down my armor and trust in others a bit more?
- Are my dates really getting to know me, or am I putting on an act?
- Am I truly willing to fall in love and risk being hurt?
It’s hard to break bad habits, but taking a good look at ourselves is a positive first step. Remember, we are all in this together – nobody is exempt from wanting to love someone and be loved in return. The question is, are we going to respect each other and have fun in the process? Are we going to play the bad date blame game forever, or are we willing to change our own habits, to keep a more open mind? Can we let go of that protective armor so we can find love?
I take Professor Brene Brown’s advice on this one:
“Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable.”
XO,
Kelly
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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