Last year, I posted a guest blog by some of my very favorite dating blogger dudes. They each made a list of three things that attracted them to a woman, and three things that turned them off. What surprised me was how their answers were so different. No, I don’t mean some preferred curvy blondes and others skinny dark-haired girls. I mean they differed in terms of many factors – personality, behavior, actions, etc. There were some things that were non-negotiable for these guys, and their opinions were based on each of their experiences (negative and positive). So of course, the lists were going to be different.
I learned that men have particular tastes when it comes to whether or not they are attracted to a woman. Some prefer women who are powerful and intense while others lust after women who can laugh at themselves and just have a good time without the drama. When you try to be “the perfect woman” to attract a great man, it’s often an elusive thing. Should I be strong and independent? Or cheerful and fun? Or smart and witty? Or just laid-back? It can be exhausting, trying to figure out who we “should” be. And anyway – you won’t get results when you try to be who you think guys want. Instead, you’ll always be second-guessing yourself. Do they like you, or who you’re trying to be?
Most of us have our “lists” of what we want, but usually this gets thrown to the sidelines when chemistry enters in to the picture. How many times have we eschewed reason in favor of that incredible feeling of passion? Can you name exactly what it is about that person that draws you to him/ her? Is it her hair? Her scent? The way he carries himself? His charm?
The truth is, attraction is an elusive thing. It is unique in each relationship. We can’t pinpoint why we are drawn to one person and not another, at least not in any tangible way. So moving forward into a new relationship, all we can do is try to find the qualities we really loved in our exes in someone new. And hopefully discover new, great qualities. But mostly, we are looking for that intangible chemistry. Something we can’t exactly describe.
But I digress. Attraction is unique in each relationship. Which is why I still advocate keeping an open mind when you meet people. You never know who’s going to be the man or woman to really yank your chain. It’s not necessarily the person who knocks your socks off (and other clothing items) in the first meeting. Sometimes, it takes some effort to get to know him/her.
And be yourself. You don’t want to waste energy trying to be someone you’re not, just because you think it makes you more attractive. It doesn’t.
That’s all for now.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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