I had the privilege recently of being invited to write a guest post for one of my favorite websites – Singular City. While SC is focused on the single lifestyle and I am now married, I still feel a kinship with my single friends and the single community. It was what I was part of for most of my adult life. It was a huge part of my identity – in my mind, it meant being completely independent and carefree, but in the minds of people around me – not yet “taken.” I felt like I was constantly having to explain myself, even though I didn’t think there was anything wrong with my “relationship status.”
I hated this divide. Because the truth is, there are blessings and drawbacks on both sides of the fence – single and coupled up. On the one side, you are free to see whomever you choose whenever you want. There is a certain joy that comes from a completely independent existence, beholden to no one, yet still more connected to the people around you because you often choose to socialize more, to connect with more people, to pay attention to what is around you. On the other hand, it’s nice having a partner to come home to, to grow with, to laugh with, to learn about, and to help me learn more about myself.
When I was writing my book Date Expectations, I discovered something I hadn’t really thought about until I began writing. The truth is, there is no “destination” – marriage, partnering, having a family, etc. The elusive goal my single self was trying to get to didn’t actually exist. Instead, I discovered those “destinations” are a work in progress, constantly changing, evolving. Just like being single is nurturing and getting to know your constantly changing self. In fact, every chapter in our lives is another work in progress. We can choose to embrace it, learn from it, love it – or we can choose to close ourselves off, be resentful, and stay exactly as we are.
I choose for life to teach me. I choose to forever be a student. As many great philosophers and spiritual gurus have said before me, life is about the journey, not the destination. It’s time to start living that way.
Peace & love,
Kelly
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
I agree. The grass is always greener on the other side.
Amen Sistah! I agree that every stage and phase of our lives is a journey towards learning more about ourselves, the people and places around us and life in general. Whether single or coupled, the only destination should be self-awareness and self-discovery. Great post!
You’re absolutely right … it is really about the process and not the outcomes! One step at a time.
Lovely post! You are so right! Too many people get caught-up on their “status”! People should be going out and making the most out of the life they have rather than concentrating on the life they think they deserve.
Thanks loves! I feel this is important to say, because there are so many people who are fearful of single people, like everyone should be coupled up or there’s something wrong with them. Many people are scared of being alone and project this fear onto others, but this is something that everyone goes through during their lives, so it’s a good idea to not be so afraid of transition, of change, of being independent. It’s a journey, all of it. That’s all.