This post is really in two parts…I’ll start with the marriage topic first.
I got married over a week ago now, and everyone keeps asking if I “feel” different. That’s hard to say…it’s kind of like having a birthday. No, I don’t feel “different” or “older”, but all of a sudden a few days later, I notice another wrinkle under my left eye. Ok, maybe that’s a bad example. Truth is, so far I’m liking being married. Being part of a couple. Although I’m still not comfortable shedding my single, independent identity. I’ve had it for so long, it’s become who I am. Now, I’m partnered, so that identity is having to shift. I don’t know what it will feel like as the years go by, but I’m looking forward to an interesting ride. (That’s my new husband in the photo to the left…nice shades!)
I will admit however… my first Saturday night as a married woman was spent much like my Saturday nights when I was single. Let me explain.
It was my friend’s birthday, and I drove out to Eagle Rock by myself because my husband had to stay home with his kids. It was my first taste of “feeling single” again since we married (i know, only a week but still…our first Saturday night and I’m going out by myself..). I walked into the bar, which had felt so comfortable for so long, and now just felt strange. I greeted my old friends, and we hung out as we used to. I found myself morphing into my single persona again. But this time it felt…strange. Like I was an imposter, unable to feel comfortable among singles checking each other out. I was no longer one of them. For so long, I wanted my life to be different, to be coupled. it had gotten old 5 years ago. maybe even 10. And now here I was, married and able to go home to my husband.
During dinner, I found myself really looking forward to going home, to being with my new family. I felt giddy.
That’s when I knew that being married was different. It felt warm and welcoming. It felt safe. It felt like home. Is this how most married folks feel?
I was no longer part of one group, but part of another. I noticed something else that night. Couples welcomed me more…I was no longer a single threat. It’s an interesting thing, being single vs. being married and officially off the market. Married women look at me as a friend or partner in crime, as though I’m part of their club, while when I was single, they would look with disdain. Maybe that’s a generalization, but there is definitely a difference.
I’m not sure what the future holds, but I’m excited about the new path I’m now following; the one I share with my husband. I feel lucky; I’ve found such a wonderful man. He is more than what I had on my “list” when I was single. For that, I’m so grateful. And I no longer believe in lists.
I’m back now, and will start posting more regularly. I don’t have official photos from the wedding yet, but I’ve posted a couple that a friend of mine took. We did a cocktail party and then had a wedding, which I highly recommend! Of course, my eyes are shut in almost all of them, but these are two worth showing. You can see more if you friend me on Facebook.
Oh, and about the sex part of this post…that will wait for next time (because I’m such a tease). But I will say it’s not about me…
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Being married definitely feels differant, one does feeel more secure, safe and grounded. And just knowing that you have met that very special person in your life and you get to be with them till the end of time. I just love being married.
Hi Kelly, you look so beautiful in the photos:) For me marriage definitely reinforced the notion that it is official that out relationship is hear to stay. I know that not everyone seems to need that, but for me official is good. As far as the single friends treating you differently I think that part of it for me is that I don’t want to offend my single friends by having all my conversations sound like “my husband this and married life that.” I don’t know why, but those conversations always feel like they’re excluding the single members of the group. It’s a relief when they jump into that married realm so I don’t have to feel so guarded in my conversation topics.
Congratulations, and yes, we’d like more photos. In the meantime I’ll search for you on FaceBook.
I know what you mean! I always feel like the third (or fifth or seventh) wheel when I go out with married friends. They don’t quite relate the same way. And I’ve lost my fair share of friends after they’ve gotten married (when I remained single). It’s a shame that it has to work that way sometimes but I guess that’s just the way the friendship crumbles sometimes.