Even Mindy is trying to ditch her picky habits. Sort of.
I’m really pleased to share my latest article, published in DigitalRomance.com – about a subject that is close to my heart. The picky dater.
You see, for many years, and especially as my thirties started to creep higher and higher, I was in dating denial. I thought I deserved a reward for holding out for The One. No way would I settle! That was a dirty word, one that I wanted nothing to do with. I’d seen my friends marry and divorce. That wasn’t going to happen to me. So, I made a list of everything I wanted – a list that grew bigger and bigger after each bad date. I wanted to manifest my man – will him into being. C’mon, I read The Secret.
My ideal guy (when I found him of course) would be tall, good-looking, funny, kind, smart, successful, a non-smoker, a hiker, would not be glued to the television all weekend watching sports, would not wear track shorts and flip flops on a date, would tell good jokes, would not talk incessantly about his boss or co-workers (but would listen to me talking about mine), could cook amazing meals, was not religious but would be into Christmas trees, would love to travel, owned a dog (but not cats)…whew, okay. I’m tired of listing stuff out. My list was four pages long, front and back.
Anywho, as you can see, I hated dating. The guys I met either: A.) did not live up to the guy I envisioned in my head, so I checked out, or B.) had chemistry with me but would either disappear or turn into a jerk. I’d rather sit in my apartment than deal with all that. My bad dates were making me crazy, calling into question all I thought about the world and what it owed me for being so patient – a good man who wanted to be with me! So why wasn’t it happening??
This is crazy thinking, of course. And completely counter-productive.
The problem wasn’t with all the guys out there, it was with my approach. I had to take a step back, and remember what I was really looking for, which was simple. Love. Connection.
I wasn’t giving anyone a real chance. I’d built walls to protect myself from being hurt like my divorced friends. I was fiercely independent, which made me a great catch for those guys who weren’t sure about commitment. Also, there was that tricky biological clock. I had no time and had to act fast – should I keep dating him? Yes or no. Decide right now.
I decided instead it was time to shift my thinking. I found myself repeating the same patterns, and had to ask why. This required slowing down, reassessing what I was doing, and making some changes to deeply-held beliefs about who I was and what I really wanted.
Stay tuned, because I plan to talk about this subject more in the near future…
Until then, read my guest post here.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
This article is funny but I can tell how serious you are with your dating dilemma. It happened to me before and I don’t see anything wrong with being picky. I don’t really call it being picky. More like, being careful. With all the heartaches and divorces you see and hear around you from celebrity couples, friends or family members, who could blame you for being cautious? I think that you’re just doing yourself a favor. What I recommend though is for one to be realistic. I believe that would be the better way to describe it, “realistic.” Don’t look for the “perfect” guy. Look for someone you can be compatible with.
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