I’ve written a few articles for The Huffington Post on my experiences of being a stepmother. It’s been quite a learning curve in many unexpected ways. Sometimes it’s really rough and I want to book myself a trip to a remote island, and other times extremely rewarding. I haven’t written that much about it in my personal blog though for many reasons. One, it’s not like I’m writing about my dating experiences – this is about my family, which gets not only extremely personal but it involves other people (and minors) who have a right to their privacy, their own thoughts and feelings.
Me on a bad day…
I’m bringing this up because I got a note from a reader who was wondering what was going on in my life. She said:
Would really like an update on your situation. Are you still married to the guy with the kids? Are you happy? Resentment factor for giving up on the ‘dream’ of having a traditional family. Would you advise against it for a single independent woman? I see all these post about woman optimistic to make it work, but then don’t see a follow-up article.
So now, because I want to reach those who are thinking about marrying or dating or committing to a man or woman with children, I’ve decided to share a couple of things. Because I think that many singles are frightened to do it – it means giving up a free, independent self-focused lifestyle, which isn’t an easy thing once you’ve gotten used to being responsible only for yourself. It also means grieving over the idea that you will never get any of those “firsts” – first house together, first wedding for both of you, first child together. This is something real and difficult.
But I also think that traditional families aren’t all that common anymore. Fifty percent of couples get divorced, many with children. If we give up on a chance of happiness with someone we actually connect with just because he has children and a previous home with someone else, then aren’t we denying ourselves a chance at a life filled with family and love?
There are many pros and cons to being with a divorced dad, to being a stepmother. And while I could spend many days focused on the cons, the pros are far more meaningful and make the struggles worth it. I love my husband. He is a good man. He loves and respects me deeply. His children have accepted me into their lives, which is no small feat and makes me tear up a little every time I think of how generous they’ve been with their emotions, their trust in me.
So, how am I doing? How is it in the life of a stepmother? It is many things both difficult and rewarding, and it changes day by day. (If you want details, you’ll have to message me.)
But every day, I realize that I’m so glad to be here, in this moment. With my family.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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