Resolutions are out. Setting “intentions,” New Year’s goals, and other user-friendly language is in.
Instead of berating ourselves for falling off the wagon in dry January – allowing ourselves a couple more drinks because we’re already cheating – why not offer ourselves another chance to get it right?
This is where my New Year’s Goals 2.0 come in.
Personally, I start the New Year off with good intentions to be better organized, to work out more, to spend more time pursuing passions and things that make me happy. We are all to some extent highly motivated with the idea of the fresh slate, the promise of a new start that a new year gives us. But then i fail and it all goes south. Work gets busy, I stop going to the gym, I eat what’s convenient and not what’s healthy.
I don’t think I’m alone in feeling like a failure when it comes to resolutions.
Most of us retreat to our old habits when we experience a setback or feel too lazy to make a real change. This is natural – (Better the pain you know than the pain you don’t know, right?) This doesn’t mean that we can’t still move forward. I have to remind myself that baby steps are key to success.
I like the idea that New Year’s goals should be centered around what you value – your time, your relationships, your passion projects – and not just checklists.
Regardless of your goals, patience is necessary. I hate being patient, but there it is. (Something else I will work on this year…)
So I’ve come up with a three-part process to help me make real, lasting changes.
Here are the steps to help you achieve those New Year’s goals:
Set short term goals with a long-term focus.
Instead of saying you’ll get a trainer or work out five times a week because you want to lose twenty pounds, think of your current fitness routine and increase it in increments. If you only go to the gym once a week, then try twice a week, or add walks 2-3 times per week to get your body used to moving. Set your weight goals conservatively – maybe a pound or two per month until you can increase your exercise and do more. Don’t try and upend your current routine overnight – this doesn’t last. Instead, think of your goals in bite-sized, manageable steps that fit into your lifestyle – but that you can increase over time.
In terms of dating, it works like this: login to your dating app an extra night per week. Send out five messages instead of two. Set a date for one extra night per month or per week. In other words, increase your dating activity so you can meet more people, but don’t go crazy and burn yourself out. Consistency is the key.
Note the progress, no matter how small.
There are studies that point to how positive reinforcement works much better in teaching young children healthy habits than reprimanding them for bad behavior. When you reward a child for doing something right, chances are they will do it again because they seek the positive attention. It works the same way with adults. Nobody likes to be told they are doing something wrong, or they failed. We give up, we rebel. So why would you do that to yourself?
Instead of noting all the times you failed to get to the gym or ate that extra cupcake, try noting the times you DID get to the gym, or walked an extra ten minutes, or ordered a salad instead of a giant bowl of pasta. The point is to remind yourself of your progress, not just your failures. We are all much more motivated by achievement, so remind yourself of your own, no matter how small.
Also remember that to be happy, focus on the journey, not the destination.
Forgive yourself.
At some point, you’ll regress. You will skip your workouts or log off your dating apps. You’ll feel busy and less organized. You’ll wonder why you thought you could change anything when the same demands are placed on you each day. But you can get back up and try to change things all over again.
In my opinion, you should think of the start of every month as a chance to reset. You have a new opportunity to create healthy patterns and say no to old habits. Instead of beating yourself up, set a new goal and try again. We fail many times in life, but what’s more important is the motivation to get back up again. This is your opportunity to build your resilience, your strength, and your consistency. Give yourself a break, forgive, then get back up and try again.
Happy New Year!
XO,
Kelly
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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