So long 2015 – the year of splits – at least as far as Hollywood goes. Ben and Jen. Gavin and Gwen. Miranda and Blake. Emma (Stone) and Andrew (Garfield). Done. Which is why I want to talk about break-ups, and how if you have recently gone through one, it’s important to get some perspective before we enter the New Year.
Most of the time, we break up and try to put our exes out of our minds. Maybe he drove you crazy, or maybe she cheated on you and broke your heart. Either way, things are done, and you are moving on. So why not just forget about your ex altogether?
I’m a fan of moving on, of putting things behind you. I am. But I’m also a fan of not wanting to repeat the past.
And what I noticed in my life – and those around me – is that when we break up with someone it’s difficult to acknowledge those red flags we probably ignored along the way, and so we keep repeating the same mistakes.
Maybe you jump into relationships too soon and get hurt. Maybe you go into a jealous fit of rage if your new love is running late or not texting you back.
It’s time to stop the cycle. And that means giving thanks for your ex.
So why am I bringing up this point up now, during the holiday season? A time when we’re supposed to think of all the good things in our lives? You might be wondering: Why the hell are you suggesting I thank my ex???
In order to move on to better, healthier relationships, it’s good to get a little perspective on the past. And to recognize the good things that come from the end of a relationship, no matter how spectacularly crappily it might have ended.
The thing is, all of our exes – no matter how shabbily they treated us – have taught us something. Maybe he taught you to respect and stand up for yourself. Maybe she taught you that it was possible to love again, even if not with her. Maybe he showed you that you want someone who is not just great in bed, but emotionally available.
Whatever the case, there is a lesson buried there. In our pain there is always a nugget of truth, of growth, of redemption.
These are the things that bring meaning to our lives. Do you think you’d be so smitten with your current love if you had never had your heart broken? Pain is a great teacher, and it helps us find our strength. It helps us recognize how strong we truly are – and to be grateful when we eventually find joy, peace and contentment.
So, in honor of the New Year – a time when we are encouraged hit the “reset” button and start fresh, I’m asking you to do something radical. To bridge the gap of your pain with the knowledge you have now.
Give thanks for your ex and the lessons you learned. Life holds struggles and pain for all of us – even your ex – and it’s time to free yourself.
So take a moment. Write a little note to your ex, then tear it up. Or spend a moment reflecting on what you learned, then go on with your day.
Our past relationships didn’t last for a reason. They are all leading you to the next, better relationship. You deserve it. And happy New Year.
XO,
Kelly
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Leave a Reply