You know the dating app scenario: Swipe left, swipe right. See who responds, message back and forth. Repeat this cycle with 12 or 100 other matches. Forget who you are talking to and drop the message trail to look for more matches. It’s like ADD dating, where you can’t focus on anyone.
Or, let’s say you’re on a date with one of your Tinder matches. She gets up to go to the bathroom, so you pull your phone out. Because why not? Might as well log back in to Tinder. You find several new messages, and of course you want to respond. So when your date comes back to the table, you find your mind wandering from the conversation, wondering which message you’ll respond to first.
This is what happens when we are so overwhelmed with choices.
I write about this a lot in my book Date Expectations, and was once again prompted to write about it when I listened to this Hidden Brain podcast featuring Aziz Ansari (author of Modern Romance, creator of fantastic TV show Master of None. Watch and read these if you haven’t).
Anyway, he describes this phenomenon of too much choice, and how people not only find it more difficult to choose something – ANYTHING, but they are often less satisfied with their choice once it’s made. Because when you are faced with 45 types of jam, there is bound to be a better flavor than what you chose, so whatever you choose is NOT going to satisfy you.
On the other hand, when you only have 3 choices between strawberry, raspberry and apricot, chances are you’re pretty satisfied with the strawberry, cuz that’s what you feel like eating. So to speak.
This is not to say that we should all remove our apps from our phones and stop the swiping. But it does mean that we should be a bit more calm and focused.
Swiping endlessly is addictive, but not productive.
Instead of taking a “weeding out” approach to dating, slow it down. Take your time, and look at each match. Check out an app like Hinge or Coffee Meets Bagel where they ration out your matches if you can’t seem to stop swiping.
Dating is a process, so leave your appetite for instant gratification at home. Ask more people out, because you can’t really know if you’re attracted to someone until you are face to face. And don’t be so picky. Date someone you normally wouldn’t. Because another hard truth of dating is that we often don’t end up with the person we envision in terms of looks, education, career, or whatever else is on your wish list. Instead, we end up with someone we never expected – but it’s likely better than you imagined.
Happy dating!
XO,
Kelly
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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