I admit, I have sucked at love.
While I’m happily married now, it didn’t come easy. In fact, my friends would often get together and analyze everything I was doing wrong in order to “help” me. Yes, it was as awful and painful as it sounds. I didn’t appreciate the fact that everything seemed to come so easily for many of them. They met their husbands young, they had great careers, they were starting families. Yet I was still trying to keep my head above water at my job and go on a “normal” date instead of another crazy online experience. Not exactly the glamorous single life.
So I understand what it is to struggle. To be lonely. To question what you’re doing or why things are so hard. I really tried with all of my dates, or I liked to think I did. But as I was reflecting recently on my history, I came to a realization. I did actually have an “aha” moment (to quote Oprah). There came a time when I said I would do things differently, and I did. Not because some friend gave me advice. But because it felt right to me. It felt like the path I was taking suddenly became clear.
When I had my “aha” moment it wasn’t any single thing, but rather a change in my process. I did new things that felt foreign to me. I acted and reacted differently. I changed my behavior and hoped that my feelings and thoughts might follow. Eventually, they did.
I’m being vague because I think everyone’s journey in life is unique, and nobody can tell any of us how to proceed forward. But in our hearts, we know when that crazy idea we think about just might work. We know what bad patterns we persist in following and how they sabotage us. Or maybe we see something we didn’t before. We know when we’ve tapped into something real that we should follow, and it’s scary.
So, that’s all I’m saying – we’re all different, and we should stop comparing ourselves to friends or wondering what we’re doing wrong or looking at our timetables and wondering WTF??. We need to start listening to our own voices and keep walking steadily forward down our own unique paths.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Well it depends on the qlauity of the dates. If you connected and had deep conversation within three dates then that’s fine. If you go on ten dates and never had any real connection or spark, then why would you get in bed. Its really case-by-case basis. Another thing, at the age of 30s, usually its fewer dates especially if you hit it off from the start. The first date is never advisable because it might give the impression that that’s what you’re in for or that you sleep around too. Having sex too early and then having a serious relationship should not affect the relationship. If both parties are serious about each other, time is not a factor, just feelings.