I haven’t talked too much about long-distance relationships on my blog. I’ve never really been in one, unless you count the summer between my junior and senior year of college when I went away to Ecuador while my BF was back home. But our summer apart had an expiration date. In early September, we were back in school together. By then he had a new GF anyway.
Long-distance partnering requires a certain type of patience and diligence that I don’t possess. If I met somebody in a faraway city while visiting friends, I’d pursue it, knowing that it was a temporary fling (which made it a lot more fun). There were no logistics to figure out, nobody I set a time to Skype with. I never had to wonder about what he might be doing on a random Saturday night. I just had my little vacation fling and returned to my life.
People in long-distance relationships don’t have this luxury. They want a real relationship, not a fling. They want to communicate regularly, and hopefully if everything goes well, eventually live in the same city. They can’t just leave and forget, nor can they text their SOs and say, “what do you wanna grab for dinner?” Each person in a long-distance relationship has his/her own life, and the other is not a part of it. It’s a weird thing, being in a relationship but then living life alone, too.
I talk a lot about breaking out of your comfort zone and dating people who aren’t your type, which in theory includes people who live outside of your time zone. But secretly, I’ve been a chicken about this one. I cut my ties if geography was a factor. It takes such dedication and requires good communication. Trust. Something that always scared me.
I was having drinks with a friend the other day who is considering a long-distance relationship. The city of L.A. has ten million people, but I understand when one of us gets sick of the dating scene here. I mean, there is a rotation of new residents moving to town every single day while others move out, so why should anyone make a choice to settle down with just one person? There’s no need. Supply is plentiful, so demand for settling down is low. I totally get why people don’t feel special here – I didn’t for a long time. There are too many choices. So it shouldn’t have surprised me that he decided to look outside of his comfort zone of L.A. clubs and bars and try dating someone who lives on the East Coast.
Short story – they hit it off online, and now they’ve visited each other a few times. The chemistry is great. What’s there to lose?
I’m really in awe of his decision, of how he really wants to make an effort and see what happens. Most Angelenos would get upset if they have to drive more than 30 minutes in traffic to date someone. Guys who live in Pasadena wouldn’t take a look at my online profile when I was dating because I lived in West L.A. It just wasn’t gonna happen.
Imagine East Coast vs. West Coast. That’s a whole different level.
My friend really wants this to work, so I have faith he’ll give it a real shot. But it takes work, I’m not gonna lie. I’m anxious to see how it plays out. I hope he’s successful. I’m glad he’s braver than I ever was to take it on at all.
Have you ever tried a long-distance relationship? Did it work out?
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Yes, they certainly can. Just ask any called up military person. They’ll tell you they have to work. But to answer the real question, yes, it can work but there has to be something worth waiting for in the end.
That’s a great point. I have friends in the military—it is a tough road but they really commit. I applaud people who can do that. It’s hard.