Sure, maybe our dating lives don’t reflect the romance of the movies. The kind where the hot yet sensitive hero woos the female lead with dinners in Paris, expensive presents, or by running through airports to stop her from getting on that plane to New York. This is unrealistic except for contestants on dating reality shows, or women dating rich married guys. But does that mean the pursuit of romance is dead?
I guess my point is, whatever happened to normal dating—guys declaring their interest, and asking a girl out on a proper date? Like to dinner or something?
I was reading an article today in the Huffington Post that got me thinking. The author, Jessica Massa, declared that “dating is dead”, and was making the case for taking what we could get when it comes to dating, so we aren’t continually disappointed. Like reading his signals to determine if he’s interested because he just won’t ask you out. Or commenting on one of his Facebook photos, to let him know you’re interested. Seriously, is this what dating has come to?
I needed to eat a big slice of pie after reading this article, just to feel happy again. (Lemon meringue in case you’re interested. Mmm.)
Nobody expects to be wined and dined anymore. We’re lucky if we get a text or phone call to confirm plans for a date. Let’s face it, most people are flakes. Which is why I got kinda depressed after reading this article…essentially, nobody really asks anybody out on a proper date anymore. It’s usually the more self-preserving “hey’ let’s hang out”. This way, if it doesn’t go well, you don’t feel so rejected. I guess. Because you were only friends?
In my opinion, the rejection is just the same, because the fact is if you are interested you want to do something about it, even if it’s the passive “hey, wanna hang out after work?” cop-out. If she says no, it’s still going to hurt like rejection. And she’s still going to know you’re kind of interested.
Alternatively, if you start “hanging out” and having sex with no discussion of what is going on (should I bring it up? Will it make me look needy?), how do you know if there’s really a relationship there? From his Facebook page?
But I guess the point is to be ambiguous. It’s all about self-preservation. Which is sad to me, because dating and relationships are all about taking risks. Otherwise, what have you got to lose?
Please share a good date story with me if you have one, so I don’t feel that this is the way things will continue to go…I’m an optimist after all.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Alas, I’m the last person who is qualified to boost your optimism :(. My current fool of the moment asks me out — not even to hang out — but to “catch up.” I don’t know if dating is dead for everyone, but it could be dead for me…
I think that part of this trend is tied to dating in the big city where everyone seems so much more jaded than in other parts of the country. We moved from Nashville a little over a year ago, and single women seem to like the dating scene much more there than my friends in New York, LA and San Francisco.
Men in the south still open doors for women, take them on dates, and I’ve known quite a few lucky ladies that were treated to the popular down town event where men take their dates on a carriage ride that ends with her being serenaded by a group of musicians. It’s funny, because the south get a bad wrap for not being pro women, but I’d take serenading over FaceBook any day!
Wow, thanks Tina—I kinda wished I’d lived in Nashville for a while now, just to experience chivalry… I grew up in Texas and the guys there were definitely more “proactive” in asking women out, but I haven’t lived there for 10 years so a lot has changed. Even my single friends in Dallas and Austin complain about the dating scene, although I have to say—they still have better luck than most singles do here in L.A. Interesting thought…will look into it.
Man-shopper – I hope your trip back here to the US has boosted your dating mojo. It seems Paris sucks for that (sorry). Anyway, hope you are having fun now. 🙂
All the men I’ve dated of late have planned well in advance, opened the door and followed up like gentlemen. All ages, all incomes, all emotionally healthy.
Dating is not dead, it’s just succumbed to an apathetic stupor. We all just need to wake it up 🙂
I believe it has a lot to do with age, (maturity level usually increases with age, not always, but usually) culture and upbringing. I have NEVER been out with a man who has not opened a door for me. They may be flakey communicators, but opening doors is just basic manners. There were 2 men I recently dated that were really good about making dinner reservations & coming right out & saying to me, (ok, so it was via text) “I want to see you”. So, I know its out there, we just have to find it.
People think that Facebook and other such free social networking sites pose a real fundamental challenge to the subscription based internet dating sites, but subscriptions have remained very resilient over the last year or so. I think Facebook has become another point of entry to the paid for services. They try out the free application and once they feel surprised by how comfortable they feel, they then upgrade to a better quality paid for service.