Photo by Daria Nepriakhina
I’m happy to share another guest post from Trevor McDonald, a writer and mental health expert who writes for numerous publications including Sober Nation. He has tons of great insight on how we connect with one another, including our relationship with dating apps and social media…
Thanks to dating apps, the culture of dating has changed more in the last few years than it has within the last century. And while I personally can’t speak to what dating was like even 20 years ago, I do have the unique perspective of growing up (and ultimately dating) in the age of technology.
My generation has had a unique upbringing. We were there for the birth of Facebook. We were standing in line to get our hands on the first smartphones. And now, we are using those phones and social media to find relationships and meet new people.
When I first started dating in high school, flip phones were all the rage. Text messages cost 10 cents a text at the time, and I could only call my girlfriend at specific times of the night to avoid using the majority of my family’s monthly minutes.
At the time, I thought technology couldn’t get more advanced than having a phone in my pocket. But the technology we now have at our disposal is streets ahead of what I grew up with just over a decade ago.
It is true that I grew up during a time when social media was in its infancy. But as my dating life evolved, so too has the technology I’ve used to date. In fact, my fiancé and I originally met on Tinder when I was in college, and it has become increasingly more common for us to meet other couples who have also met on dating apps.
While dating apps have made meeting people so much easier, there is also a growing disillusionment with dating as a whole, and online dating in particular. Most people have struggled with the emotional ups and downs of dating regardless of age, but apps and social media have made it easier for younger people to bounce from person to person, avoiding commitment.
Random flings might be easier to find, but people are still looking for genuine connection.
My fiancé and I met on Tinder, but once we started dating exclusively, it was less about our social media interaction and more about getting to know each other in real life. Social media makes it easier to connect, but it doesn’t substitute for meaningful in-person interaction.
Prior to apps, going on a date with someone new required a few steps: 1) initiate conversation, usually by saying something witty; 2) talk on the phone to see if there’s a mutual connection other than being attracted to one another; and 3) propose meeting at a neutral location for the first date. The only change we see now is that most of this initial conversation is happening over the app rather than face to face, giving people a chance to craft some good witty banter. But otherwise, the dating process remains the same.
So what’s different? Well, for one, the speed of dating has increased dramatically, thanks to the seemingly endless number of options.
For instance, there is a significant chance that your date could lose interest in the conversation and just stop texting (i.e. “ghosting”). This practice has grown so prevalent that many have become emotionally traumatized, requiring therapy and professional help.
Messaging over apps leads to a lot of confusion, too. It’s hard to get a read on someone’s motives when you’re staring at text on a screen. In person, it’s generally easier to tell if someone is looking for romance or if someone is simply looking for a fling. Dating apps blur this line almost entirely, and often it isn’t until the first date that you can read the other’s real intentions.
One of the biggest downfalls of social media is that it creates an “on-to-the-next-one” mentality when things become difficult. Apps make it so easy to find someone online that it becomes a tool for conflict avoidance, making real intimacy difficult.
As problematic as dating apps can be, we still crave the same experiences we always have – we want to fall in love.
We want to form long-term partnerships; and most importantly, we want to feel genuine connection.
Dating apps have benefitted us, whether we like to admit it or not. They have allowed shy people to be emboldened and send that first message. They allow us to meet people outside of our normal social circles of work, friends and family. And ultimately, no matter what you think of apps, they do help us connect in ways we never thought possible.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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