I love a good study when it comes to how people think about love. In the case of Match.com’s Singles in America study, the largest study of singles and dating ever conducted, I’m completely smitten with Dr. Helen Fisher over at Match.com. She found some interesting trends and put the evolution of dating in context for me.
First, she’s an anthropologist, so we have that in common. (Not that I’m one professionally, but that was my major in college much to my parents’ dismay.) Anyway, she looks at the data in terms of behavior not just in the last fifty years or so, but across thousands (or even millions) of years. That’s right. We humans have evolved in many ways, but when it comes to love, we’re just as confused as our ancestors. But we’re also motivated in the same ways – we crave partnership.
Check out her video which discusses the results of the study.
Which brings me to the study’s findings. There are some surprising ones—like the #1 trait both men and women look for in a potential partner is good teeth. It has something to do with looking for fertile mates (good teeth=good sperm and eggs, apparently)-not just for shagging but procreating. It seems we are hard-wired to populate the earth, which motivates our dating behavior.
The second surprising thing – the #2 trait both men and women look for in a good partner is not visual at all.
It’s all about how you speak – specifically your grammar. That’s right. How you communicate with your partner trumps all the other stuff. As Dr. Fisher says, “Communication is power.”
And for all you worried about the current state of dating because of those Atlantic and New York Times articles about “the end of dating,” rest assured. People, especially men, are more committed than ever. 90% of singles surveyed in this study (who are open to the idea of marriage) said they could stay married forever to the same person. 90 percent. That blew my mind. Oh, and get this – men are more romantic than women these days. They’ve fallen in love almost twice as often as women (4.2 times compared to women at 2.8 times). Also, the #1 thing women want in a relationship is independence vs. men, who want commitment. So for all of those doubting that men want commitment or romance, think again. It just might take a while to get it right.
So, what exactly do singles most want in a partner? According to the Singles in America study, more men AND women want respect and trust before everything else – including physical attraction.
While some of the study didn’t surprise me – like most people haven’t changed their dating practices despite a bad economy (people still want to find love even when they’re broke) – it did surprise me that people are generally more optimistic about finding long-term love.
Dating is far from over. It is evolving and changing along with us, which is always a good thing.
This is a sponsored post.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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