When I was single, I tended to put off all of the things I thought couples were supposed to do together.
I waited to go to Italy or France or some other romantic destination until I could have someone with me to enjoy it (the backpacking trip through Europe in my twenties didn’t count, since I slept in rooms with 10 other strangers and couldn’t afford to dine in restaurants). I put off buying my own place because what was the point if I couldn’t fix it up with a partner? I also decided that the diamond necklace I wanted should also wait and come from a man.
Now that I’m married, I see the faulty thinking in this. We shouldn’t hold other people, including our boyfriends and husbands, responsible for giving us the things that we want. Things that we can get or do for ourselves. Now I know that these expectations we build up, partly because of what society tells us is right, are misguided. We don’t have to wait for someone else to come along to enjoy something we think is fun, exciting or beautiful.
Now that my husband is by my side, I don’t feel the need to ask him for the diamond necklace as proof that I really matter to him, or as some sort of obligatory married couple gesture. In the same way he didn’t wait on me to buy the 61-inch screen to watch his favorite movies and TV shows. If I want to get something for myself, it’s okay to get it. We’re in this together, and we are each our own independent beings, capable of fulfilling our own needs.
With that said, give yourself permission to indulge this holiday if you’ve always wanted that exotic trip to Fiji or the diamond bracelet you’ve been eyeing for two years. Check out Diamond.com, who is unveiling a brand new website in the new year but is giving a sneak peek for you all now if you want some ideas.
Be good to yourself, and enjoy the moment—make a New Year’s resolution to stop waiting around for the good things. Make them happen yourself.
And Merry Christmas to me…gonna do some shopping now.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Anyone who knows me, and knows Singular magazine knows I love this idea. Fact: you will spend more of your adult life single than married. Waiting for when you’ll be married to enjoy anything wonderful in life (with the exception of having a child because that really is hard to do by yourself) does not do you any favors. Who knows what might happen when you’re strolling down that street in Rome, wearing that fabulous diamond pendant on your way to that adorable cafe near the city center! Even if you do have the dream of one day finding your husband or wife, you’ll be a much better YOU and more likely to attract the RIGHT person if you’ve lived your life to the fullest as a single person!
Well said, Kim. And the point is not to do these things (like strolling down the streets of Rome) expecting someone to come along…but to do it because you just REALLY want to! And I totally agree…when we do those things that bring us joy, we are happier people and create a better quality of life, single or coupled.
I couldn’t agree more. I totally understand the value of this in a way I never really did before, but why wait until the perfect piece of jewelry comes our way from a SO? If we see something we like and we have the means to afford it, why do we deny ourselves the luxury of purchasing it? Does it really make a difference in the end who it came from??
Great post!
It feels so good when you get or accomplish something valuable by yourself. Happy holidays for you!
Indeed, the true meaning is not about expensive xmas gifts. While there is an expectation of a gift, to me its more about being thoughtful.
Once my boyfriend gave me a letter, which said 365 things I love about you.
One might say it was cheesy and cheep! but the fact that he took time to write it and wrote genuine things about me, really made my xmas!