I love some good tips from a man’s perspective. Which is why I was stoked when the folks over at Lifestyle God got in touch with me about writing a guest post. Men and women communicate differently, which leads to all kinds of misunderstanding in the dating scene. So now they’re setting the record straight with some advice on what not to say.
5. Notice anything different about me?
These types of questions are like a mine field. It takes us at least 3 or 4 answers before we can nail the right one. We’re not good at noticing details just like girls aren’t that good at reading maps. That’s just the way things are.
Instead you could ask Hey, honey, do you like these new earrings? or What do you think of my new hair color? It’s a lighter red than what I used to have.
Give us clues, don’t let us wonder in the dark.
4. Thank you! (right after sex)
Maybe you yourself don’t say it but other women do. We don’t like to be thanked for the job we do in the sack! It’s almost as if you’re saying Yeah, well, at least you tried…
If you don’t like your sexual partner maybe it’s time to find a new one.
3. We need to talk.
I know a lot of movies use this phrase when someone has something bad to say about the other person. But do we really need that? When you have something to say to a man (don’t’ get me wrong, we don’t mind criticism), the less tension you create the better.
“We need to talk” does just that: increase the tension. It’s a lot better to just avoid saying it and focus on the message. It will sound a lot less dramatic and the chances of your man getting upset will be much lower. That’s right – just dive right into the subject.
2. Do these jeans make me look fat?
To us it might make no difference but answering I don’t know is not really an option. Even if you’re just asking because you want to hear a resounding No from your guy, do you really want to take that chance?
Instead of passing on the fear of not looking good to your guy, how about you be the feminine and irresistible woman he’s already chosen?
1. We should be just friends.
This is every guy’s nightmare. OK, I know letting someone go is hard and that you girls are very careful about hurting other people’s feelings. But this phrase is a cliché that can safely be replaced by something more honest.
Why honest? Because you don’t really want to be friends with someone when you tell them that.
Worst part? Some of us guys who are less experienced will actually buy it! That’s right, some of us have little to no experience talking to women – so we’ll believe anything, just as long as it comes out of your mouth. Now, do you really want a guy clinging to you to be your friend?
Alternatives: Look, you’re really not my type. Or Listen, we tried but I just don’t think we’re meant for each other.
Trust me, we’re men. We can take it.
Thanks,
LG
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Diane says
I have said to a guy, when breaking up with him, that I would like to continue being friends, and I did actually mean it. I had hurt him and he was shaken, but I had left the door open for us to continue with amiable communication if he wanted to. I knew I was going to see him around as we mixed in the same social circle and I didn’t want to have difficult silences when we say each other, or for either of us to feel we should avoid each other, potentially spoiling relationships with our wider circle of friends.
You do occasionally hear of former partners staying friends and even going out for a meal together with their new partners. I can’t imagine going that far, but why not? Just because you weren’t able to continue in a relationship with each other doesn’t mean you can’t be friends. Sometimes, a relationship can be misguided from the beginning in that the couple thought their friendship was actually love, so they can take the pressure off by actually being friends again. I think this is particularly important where there are children from the relationship. While children can find it very difficult to see their parents split up and form new relationships, it will be far less painful for them if they can see their parents getting on, although they must always understand that this doesn’t give a message that there is hope for a future reconciliation.
Kelly says
Hi Diane,
Thanks for stopping by. I agree with you about trying to be friends if there are children involved, or if you run in the same social circle. There’s nothing worse after a break-up than losing all of your friends, too. However, I do think a lot of people aren’t honest with themselves, and try to be “friends” with their exes when they still have feelings for them. This is a mistake. Everyone needs distance after a break-up – otherwise how can they move on? And if a guy likes you and you say “let’s be friends,” it’s like rubbing salt in the wound. So, make a clean break. Then if friendship can work without getting complicated, you can try it in baby steps.