Ok, I admit it. Deadlines work for me. I like knowing that I have to hand in an article by 3pm, or that my dry cleaning needs to be picked up by 6. I work best under structure.
My former career in PR made me an expert in scheduling. I had to fit in 5 radio interviews in exchange for 10 minutes’ of B-List talent time (hey, I worked in cable television…no Angelina Jolie there). I had to write press releases in under an hour…(although now everything is just tweeted)…I’m used to adhering to schedules, and enjoying the satisfaction of results. The interviews were completed, press happened, talent and execs were happy. I could file it away in my portfolio, accumulating clippings as proof of conquering my endless stream of “finish lines”. I had proof that I was making progress, getting things done.
I operated the same way to some extent with my love life. There was an end goal in mind (marrying my “soul mate”), and I had a rough idea of the timeframe (I had to loosen it up a bit because I passed my “deadline” like 5 times). I had a finish line to the endless stream of dates, at least in my head. I figured lots of bad dates = progress in earning my dating credits for eventually meeting a REALLY AWESOME Mr. Right. I deserved a great ending. (Incidentally, my new husband was totally worth it.) But of course, there is no “finish line” really. Relationships are fluid and move forward in time, just like being single. Both are filled with ups and downs and choices and setbacks. They aren’t a destination, but a work in progress.
And now I’m writing, and the lack of structure is driving me insane. I have no set deadline, except for those I self-impose and then change. I can rewrite a couple of pages 10 times and remain unsatisfied with the results. I go back and forth, seeing which plays out better. I can’t make a decision most of the time, because I see an endless path in front of me, and I’m never going to get to the end. That is, the place where I want my book to be. It’s just an endless path. Sometimes I get so frustrated I can barely get out of bed. I feel like a failure.
My focus on the finish line tends to get in the way. What I forget is, the process is always most important, whether it’s writing, dating, or being married. not the finish line.
Evven when I finish the book, my writing will continue to change, shift, and take new form…much like a relationship. I don’t know if I will ever be happy with the “end results” of my writing, because all of it is kind of a work in progress. But I can learn to enjoy the process more as I eventually did with dating, so life isn’t just a waiting game.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
I like deadlines too. Life just throws so many things at you, and only the things that need to get done immediately get completed in my life. The other remain on the “to do” list until they get much closer to their deadline.
Deadlines work for me well in professional stuff.
I totally get what you say about creative change, the more I work in my photography I see progress and notice shifts from the original idea, follow new paths and experiment.
Now I a deadline where the challenge is to find the concept and the right words that explain the string that the photos I want to present share in common, and I’m afraid to write about a million things but about what it is imporant. We say “No importa el destino, lo que importa es el camino.”