I just purchased Marianne Williamson’s new book, A Year of Miracles. In it, she has brief thoughts on different issues that we face in life, and explains how to process them and then let them go. There are 365 – one for each day. I say this because I’m only on day #2, and it’s about forgiveness.
Ugh, forgiveness. Of course the hardest stuff would come first.
Do you have people in your life that you just can’t deal with? Who have hurt you so much that you’re unable to let go of the pain? Do you get angry just thinking about them? Maybe they were abusive, manipulative, or just plain unreasonable, but regardless – they caused you pain.
I thought of a few people who have impacted my life. But here’s the thing I read this morning in the book:
“We don’t forgive someone for their sake; we forgive them for the sake of our own peace of mind. Any attack on another person is an attack upon ourselves.”
This was kind of hard for me to read. There have been people in my life who acted terribly, who hurt me, who didn’t care that they hurt me. But here’s the thing. When someone hurts another person, they are hurting themselves. They suffer because they feel so powerless and therefore lash out or blame. They are probably hurting more than you are. As someone once said to me when I was complaining about a co-worker who threw me under the bus for something that she was responsible for screwing up, “you only have to deal with your co-worker a couple of minutes each day. She has to be in her own negative energy and insecurity all the time.”
Forgiving someone isn’t being weak. It is being courageous. We lose sight of that because we hold on to our anger. But forgiveness allows us to let it go.
I’m not gonna lie and say this realization has suddenly made me forgive everyone in my life who’s wronged me. But it has made me reconsider all of the anger or resentment I carry around. It isn’t hurting the person who makes me angry. It is hurting me.
Think about your past relationships. Is there anyone you can’t forgive? Maybe she cheated on you, or maybe he didn’t have the courage to commit to you. Is it affecting your current relationship, or your dates? Do you carry that anger around with you, expecting someone else to hurt you again?
Maybe it’s time to start to let it go. Resentment doesn’t serve us in the present, it holds us captive to the past. It makes us repeat the same mistakes. It makes us believe things about the new people we meet that probably aren’t even true.
Something to consider as we start fresh in the New Year. Forgiveness is freeing. Maybe that alone makes it worth the effort.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Forgiveness is freeing. Maybe that alone makes it worth the effort.<— LOVE!
Holding a grudge is like trying holding your breath and expecting the other person to die. It’s pointless. It serves no purpose but to eat one up inside. Forgiveness is not for the person who did wrong, but for the person who is the victim. It’s hard to convey that to people, but sometimes it’s just easier to let things go.
Marrie–Agreed!
Q – thanks for your comment! I agree with you about forgiveness, but it is so hard to do in a real way. I think of people who have been victims of crime, abuse, etc. This is hard to get past, but it’s a must if we want to move forward into freedom and joy.
I’ve always believed that forgiveness is one of the hardest things we do.
I was just mulling over a recent hurt, someone I’m still in the process of forgiving, when I realized that the person who treated me unkindly is also intensely unkind to herself. …That maybe people are only capable of treating us the way they treat themselves.
Maybe it was a small epiphany, but it helped me to feel more compassion for her, for me…and to let go.
Thank you Tina for your comment. What a great observation, I never thought of it that way but it’s true. Thanks for sharing. I will remember that next time I have trouble forgiving.