I don’t believe in “The Rules.” When I read the book for the first time, I was horrified. Wait for him to call me? And then don’t return his calls? And play hard to get to show him that I’m worth being his “prize?” There was something in there about “being a creature like no other,” too that seemed a little wacked. I actually tried this on one or two occasions, and was quickly put in my place.
“You have no idea what you want,” said one man I really liked. I wanted him to pursue me, and he hated games.
“You must be dating a lot of other guys,” said another after I refrained from returning his calls and kept him waiting for each subsequent date. “Go have fun, don’t call me.”
I was crushed. The Rules were supposed to work, right? Not so much. At least for me. I decided dating was much more complex—and in the end, nothing else matters—it wasn’t how I could win his affections, or how he compared to my “list”, or even the timing—but the fact that this person feels really right. And when it feels right, things flow easily. There’s no need for games.
But there’s a lot of other crap we women do in the meantime to get to this point. I love this skit from Saturday’s SNL, which I think is so right in how dating feels today…a mess of contradictions and neuroses. No wonder we women are labeled crazy, and some men too. Can’t we all just say what we want in a relationship without worrying how the other person will take it, like it’s a burden? I mean, if we’re that willing to have sex so easily, why not be more emotionally available too? If we get hurt, we move on. It’s life and we’re adults. All the games are just so…exhausting.
Well…Enjoy this!!
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
“The Rules” are a disaster if you ask me. I can imagine a lot of women have had similar experiences to what you had. And others probably have attracted their share of players, which seem to me to be the kind of guy that would like women employing “The Rules” kind of behaviors.
Exactly Nathan. Thanks for pointing this out—totally agree that the guys who go for this behavior have their own issues they are working on.
Like many women I read The Rules, but seriously question their tactics. I believe so one of the authors got divorced. Hmmm…. I guess she wasn’t following The Rules. :))
When things feel right, no rules are necessary. Just flowing will do the trick. when things aren’t quite right – then who needs them, right?
YES, YES a THOUSAND TIMES YES!
I found when I followed these so-called Rules, I attracted the type of man that was only interested in the chase and not me as a person. Once I chucked this s@#t out the window I became much more relaxed and – *gasp* dating became fun again!
Lipstick and Playdates – so true, one of the authors did divorce! Maybe her ex found another “prize”…
Ruth – exactly. It’s exhausting to try and think of how the other person will react to every little thing. Besides, men are smarter than that. Many know when a woman plays them.
Reluctant Monogamist – Thanks for stopping by! Relaxing did the trick for me, too. Once you say “F*** it” and stop worrying about how old you are, when you’re going to meet someone decent, how so-an-so feels about you – it’s pure freedom. Then I finally met someone because I could see him more clearly. No head games, no worry, no rush.