After a quick informal poll with some of my male and female friends (ok, 2), I decided to make a list of some of the things that turn us off on a first date. Actually, normal yet annoying things that seem to happen over and over again. Not crazy first dates who pee in an alley right in front of you (sorry Tales from an Internet Dater…still love that story).
1. Someone who talks too much. We’ve all been on dates where we can’t seem to get a word in, even after attempts at interrupting mid-sentence. How about a question? Do you even care who you’re dating? My bad—probably not. Sorry to cut you off.
2. Someone who has nothing to say. Ok, this isn’t a cop out after my first point. I’m just making an argument for having something interesting to talk about. Some of the guys I dated would only talk about work. I find it hard to believe someone is only interested in work. What about surfing, traveling, eating, watching baseball, fly fishing…? Something. I don’t care what. Ok, maybe I do a little because I wouldn’t have anything to say about fly fishing.
3. Angry guy/ girl. I confess I’ve been a little jaded with dating through the years. But try dating someone who just doesn’t believe that life offers good people, fun times, or any kind of thrilling experience…ever. Everything sucks because they’ve been mistreated in the past, and they don’t trust anyone. I need a shower after hanging with someone like this, just to wash the negativity off.
4. Chronic postponer. I admit I’ve done this too, especially when I was online dating and just tired of going out. But seriously, it’s just a first date. You can meet for coffee and be done in 30 minutes. Why do we have to reschedule 4 times and then plan a week in advance?
5. The heavy talker. This is mostly about subject matter. Some people dive straight in to their political opinions, health issues, family dramas, or past relationships. This is way too much for a first date. I’d rather hear about your cat or the latest episode of American Idol (well, maybe not—it’s painful to watch this season).
6. Bragging. Maybe this is an L.A. thing, but so many guys here feel the need to talk about their careers, money, success. But if you talk about it, doesn’t that make you look insecure? Well, at any rate, I really don’t care what kind of car you drive. Except for the guy I dated with the 1995 Saturn that squeaked every time he turned right.
Well, that’s a good start. Hopefully you all haven’t encountered these types much. I’m sure there are plenty more I’ve neglected, so feel free to add your own!
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
2, 3 and 6 are the killers for me. Nice post. I love the way you don’t bang on for hours like many of your rival dating bloggers. Great work.
*Plentymorefishoutofwater – One Man’s Dating Diary*
Ditto re the shorter posts – some are sooo long so I really appreciate the short posts!
I sometimes think I must be the worst datee. The only time I have ever met someone after an internet introduction was years ago – when it was still new. I actually had a girlfriend come with me. The guy was not impressed even though I had forewarned him. My reasoning was that you never know who you are meeting (safety issue), and we are more relaxed with friends and in situations where there are a few people, not just 2. Anyway the guy was so into himself and rigid that it wouldn’t have eventuated to a second date regardless.
Then recently I went to a reunion. I was determined to not talk about myself and ask about others and really listen – as everyone has a story. Although I admit I went a little overboard which was obvious when others asked me what I am up to, I stumbled. I love what I do – especially blogging and other online activities and yet usually get into trouble for talking too long about my own passions….
Oh, well next time – I intend a happy medium… yes, balance.
So yes, talking too much about self, or not enough, or sleazy – yuk! I have even had a guy kiss me with no invitation (ie no signs of being interested as I definitely wasn’t ) and then he was surprised when I said “What are you doing?”
The key, I believe, is to be relaxed and open. No expectations is even better or just to meet someone new, find out a bit more about your own self rather and what you like and don’t like in a potential partner, than if you fit with this particular one ….
Thanks! Really appreciate the comments…I figure people have things to do and don’t want to spend so much time reading so I try and get to the point. Most of the time.