I spent most of my twenties living by a process of elimination. I didn’t know what kind of career I wanted so I hopped from job to job, whittling down those careers I didn’t want in the hopes that this process would make it easier to figure out what I did want. I had no desire to get married and settle down. So of course I attracted every commitment-phobe within a ten-mile radius. The good guys I pushed away with brute force.
I basically wandered through life – no goals, no concrete plans, hoping that something would inspire me.
Everyone around me however seemed to be moving forward. Getting married, landing good jobs with benefits and 401K plans, buying new cars, eventually buying homes. They were settling themselves into what felt like “grown-up” life as I struggled, changing careers and apartments every year, if not every few months. On the one hand, I was jealous and wish that I wanted to follow a steady path – the normal path. Why couldn’t I just stay at a job with benefits and a 401K? Why did this kind of life bore me? Everyone else seemed totally okay with it.
As one well-meaning friend once asked me when I was hopping to yet another job, “why don’t you do things the right way, like everyone else?”
But I never felt especially drawn to normal life. I was fascinated by the exotic strangers I met, more than my group of steady career-climbing friends. I listened to these strangers’ tales of travel, their numerous relationships, their crazy jobs. I wanted more excitement, more of the unexpected, just like they seemed to have. The last thing I wanted was to be able to see my life in front of me, planned out until I retired.
I’m sharing all of this because I think it’s valuable to feel the uncertainty of life. It’s okay to not know what you want, who you want, where you want to be. Organization isn’t all it’s cracked up to be – and our goals only take us so far. There will be detours and derailments. Everything will not go as planned, and that is okay, too. In fact, you could say it’s preferable, because then life can surprise you. Rest assured that no matter what, you will be challenged from time to time. You’ll encounter situations that make you scared. This is the benefit of the aimless journey. It is in fact, the opposite of “aimless.” It is wide open, which is terrifying and thrilling at the same time.
If I hadn’t been aimless, I wouldn’t have gotten to work in L.A. in the entertainment industry, handling celebrities and producers. I wouldn’t have gone hang-gliding in New Zealand on a solo trek. I wouldn’t have met the charismatic Ecuadorian who taught me how to really dance (among other things).
As my husband often reminds me when I feel overwhelmed with the circumstances of my life – being a stepmom, having two full-time jobs, figuring out what I want to do next – life is messy. It is supposed to be. The messiness is where the real lessons lie. It’s where the inspiration comes from – it’s where the stories you will tell your friends and family in the years to come begin.
Maybe I’m justifying my own choices, but I don’t regret any detour I took. What I’ve learned is that it’s okay to let go of your roadmap, those plans that you make. They might guide you for a while, but we also get thrown off course. When you are open to what could be around the corner, instead of always trying to plan your next move, you’ll find more opportunities. You’ll have new experiences you never imagined.
So be aimless, at least for a little while. You’ll be thankful.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Hello KELLY , I LOVE YOUR BLOGS. I READ THEM OFTEN , SO COULD YOU PLEASE ELABORATE ON HOW YOU LANDED IN YOUR JOB IN LA , HANDLING THOSE CRAZY HECTIC CELEBS/PROODUCERS AND YOU ENDED UP ON A TRIP TO NEW ZEALAND…….??? IS IT EASY TO DO YOUR JOB AND ENJOY…I MEAN DOES IT NOT TIRE YOU.
IF YOU FEEL THAT THE QUESTIONS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE IT IS FINE NOT TO ANSWER.