I like reading David DeAngelo’s column over at AskMen.com, mostly because his ideas about women and dating are pretty old-school male theories…like the advice you’d get at a pick-up artist convention. The main goal is to have as much success with as many women as possible, and the way to do it is to be mysterious, a bit of a jerk, and funny. Above all, don’t be nice. I was reminded of this theory when I saw Love and Other Drugs. (Go see it, it’s good.)
He says, “Women make decisions very, very quickly about whether a man is going to be “just a friend” or if he has romantic potential — and once her decision is made, it’s probably going to stay made. These decisions are made subconsciously, meaning that women make all of them quickly and at a “gut level”. That’s why you must understand exactly what to say and do, right out of the gate, to make a woman feel irresistible “attraction” rather than that “just a friend” feeling. And the proven way to do it is to stop acting “nice” and start acting Cocky & Funny, ultra-confident, mysterious, and in control.”
Huh.
Is that really all it takes to get us to fall for you guys? Humor, mystery, and cockiness?
I admit to being attracted to the bad boys in my early twenties because…well, I wasn’t interested in a long-term relationship. If they were edgy and artistic and called me sporadically, they were in. But I never pictured myself with any of these guys in a real relationship.
As I grew older, there were the “emotionally unavailable” types of bad boys…not the ones who rode motorcycles, but the ones who dressed in suits and acting charming on our dates. Some of them liked to throw money around,which was also nice when I was living in my studio apartment. But I knew I wouldn’t end up with them, either.
I liked the bad boys for the interim, but they were never on the long-term list. That was reserved for the kind, caring, “nice” guys. And yes, I married a nice guy.
So, I’m asking all of you men out there who are considering taking this “bad boy” advice from people like DeAngelo, PLEASE reconsider. There is a reason that many women have trust issues, or are worried about feeling neglected. It’s because we get emotionally attached, sometimes to the wrong people. It’s because we’re looked upon as something to conquer or figure out and manipulate, according to pick-up artists.
Really, we are just people trying to make our way in the world like everyone else. We want to feel supported, cared for. We aren’t looking to be impressed or added as a notch to your belt.
But for those men who are just looking to add to your list, feel free to keep doing what you’re doing if it works for you. For me, that isn’t what I truly want, and it never was. We women do follow our “gut”, and generally speaking, we can tell a real gesture from a pick-up line, so be prepared to admit to what you’re doing if you’re called out on it.
In the end, I think there are a lot of guys out there who would rather have a partner than a long list of “ex-girlfriends”.
So in conclusion, all you nice guys out there…there’s no need to change. Really.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Hahaha, actually when I meet a guy that is “cocky & Funny, ultra-confident, mysterious, and in control” I look somewhere else, because it’s so fake that I just don’t want to spend any time with that type of guy.
Being a nice guy that struggles with meeting women because I deem approaching them at bars as impolite, I must comment on one thing: you admit to having dated MANY jerks before settling down with a nice guy. Based on this, it sure seems like the odds of gaining a woman’s favor (although perhaps not keeping it) still favor the jerk.
Nice article there, Kelleh! (Yes, I mispelled that one on purpose! Why? Seemed cool at the time).
As a general rule, women want a nice guy because he finishes last. *wink *wink