I was just thinking about a recent comment left in my last post about there being divine intervention when it comes to finding the right person. The belief that each of us has a soulmate somewhere out there, and we will eventually find him or her because this is fate.
I’m all about having some help when it comes to dating and relationships, but I tend to believe more in the fact that we create our own lives, and therefore, destinies.
The thing is, if there is a pre-determined soulmate wandering around out there for me, what happens if he’s been dating a little too long and become jaded? What if his work made him a bitter, miserable person? Would I really want to “find” him? Couldn’t I ask fate to take a backseat and maybe not introduce us?
I think the world is complex. We all have free will, and we all make choices, some good and some bad. Sometimes we don’t see a great person right in front of us, because we are focused on the fact that he is a couple of inches shorter or has a weird laugh. Other times, we are so clouded with our own thoughts about how horrible dating is, or the douchebags we’ve met, or any one of a number of negative thoughts that we don’t see anyone clearly. This mindset doesn’t help us make good decisions either.
I do think we all have intuition—we know what resonates with us. We are also the creators of our own lives. We can choose to see things in a positive or negative way, and from there, make choices that lead us to happier, healthier lives or choices that solidify our negative thinking and patterns and ensure that we keep repeating them.
I don’t have quick, easy answers. As I said, people are complex. They inspire and disappoint us. But in the end, aren’t we better people for having taken risks, and for seeing just who might be a good partner for us? There is nothing wrong with looking, changing our minds, and moving on. The key is getting to know yourself, wanting to make changes, and trying to see people for who they really are, not just who you want them to be.
Maybe then we create our own versions of “soulmates”…less than perfect people to complement each other as best we can: as great works in progress.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
I think that there is a combination of divine intervention and hard work that come into play when you find your soul mate. When I met my husband, we both ended up in the same place because we had other plans that got canceled but we each went out anyway because we weren’t going to let canceled plans keep us from going out and having a good time. An awful lot of things had to fall into place for us to meet that night, but we could easily have never met if we had decided to just stay home after our original plans canceled.
Of course even if you find your soul mate it takes hard work from both of you to keep the relationship going. I think that it can be a terrible trap that people (especially women) fall into when they believe that they have found their soul mate. They are sometimes willing to put up with all kinds of crazy things because they believe that this person is the “only one” for them. Whether you believe that a person is your soul mate or not, they need to be evaluated by their actions, not just how they make you feel.
I think it’s a little of both. I like the idea of soul mates and finding your other half, but I also think we have free will and control over our lives and our happiness. Meeting the right person for you sometimes feels like destiny, but you have to put yourself out there and not just sit at home waiting for it to knock on your door. Or like you said, let yourself get jaded and bitter. I think if a person gets like that, it’s not your soul mate to begin with. But I don’t know…it’s an interesting question and reminds me of the ever adorable movie Serendipity.