I got into a discussion today about dating vs. being in a relationship, and how the lines have become quite blurry.
It’s an interesting thing – many daters don’t like having “the talk” with their objects of affection – you know, the one where you decide whether or not you’re exclusive. Whether you want to be girlfriend/boyfriend or keep your options open for the next hot thing that comes along.
No matter what side of the equation you’re on, this talk is unnerving. If you want to be exclusive, you don’t want to bring it up because you’re afraid it will kill the relationship entirely if there’s an ounce of doubt that your love doesn’t feel the same. On the other hand, if you don’t want to be exclusive, then why not just keep dating and avoiding the topic? After all, if your date wanted to be your girlfriend, she’d have said something. Right? So both of you continue on, waiting for someone to say…well…something.
Here’s the thing. It’s perfectly reasonable to date several people at once, especially when you’re online dating, or you’re getting to know them, or you don’t want to commit. BUT, the classy thing is to let your dates know. I mean, you wouldn’t want to find out after dating a man three months that he’s also dating a woman from your yoga class, right? Especially if you’re smitten and in love, and just waiting for the right moment to ask him to be your boyfriend.
The thing is, I always stress talking about these things. If you’re not interested in having a relationship, it’s only fair to let your dates know so they don’t kind of hang around until the “right time” to say something. And if you are interested in commitment, don’t just sit on your hands and let your object of affection set the schedule. Set some boundaries for yourself so you’re not just coasting by, hoping and waiting indefinitely. (Please note: this doesn’t mean asking him if he wants to be exclusive on the third date. Be realistic here.)
The best general rule of thumb that I can tell all daters is: don’t be a douche. Remember the golden rule: if you don’t want someone to treat you that way, then please – don’t behave that way yourself.
Thank you.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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