Get excited people, there’s a new dating book on the market! Well, more like an un-dating book. A former Oprah Winfrey producer and an advertising copywriter got together to write Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won’t Be Dating Or Having Sex. Whew…only 311?
Some of these 311 things include:
- Guys who wear sunglasses indoors
- Guys who wear speedos
- Guys who wear walking shoes with knee socks
- Guys with mullets
- Guys who order girly drinks
- Guys who play air guitar
The book is broken down into three parts: what not to wear, what not to say, and what not to do. I read an excerpt and found myself laughing and agreeing…most women have been on dates with men who have no clue about how they present themselves. Including the guys who announce that they have to take a dump in the middle of the date (yep, that’s in there).
As much as I’d like to cheer this book on, I feel like I’m in 6th grade and we’re laughing at the new geeky kid in class who’s wearing Wrangler jeans and glasses with thick black frames. Sure, it’s easy to make fun of him, and it makes us feel better about ourselves. But what problems does it really solve?
The game of dating is not easy. None of us is perfect. If we approach a date looking at all of the things the other person is doing wrong, are we really making progress towards finding the right person? I can ask a guy to cut off his mullet. That’s an easy fix. But I can’t make a guy feel more compassion, or act more thoughtfully, or want to commit to me. These are things each person must cultivate individually, and in the end makes much more of a difference in the quality of a relationship.
And what about us women? Shouldn’t I look at my own dating patterns to figure out what I may be doing wrong? For instance, what about those of us who dress in short shorts and let the cleavage hang out on a first date? Or those who look too high maintenance with big hair or fake nails? Or those who are more interested in how much money a guy makes than in his personality?
There are a lot of dating books advising women on how to change, which is one of the reasons why the authors wrote Undateable, to target men instead. But it seems it was written for women to commiserate, not to teach men what they’re doing wrong. I can’t picture my male friends studying it for reference, especially the ones who play air guitar.
It looks like a fun read and I plan to pick up a copy, but I wouldn’t use it as a way to justify why dating sucks or why there are no good men out there. Believe me, there are. You have to get past the hair plugs to find them.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
I’d add “guys who attach those fake testicles to the underside of their pick-up trucks” to that list. I can’t believe women actually date these guys.
Guys with long hair. Guys who don’t like any sports. Guys who wear rubber gloves to do the washing up.
*Plentymorefishoutofwater – One Man’s Dating Diary*
Thanks Ken. Awesome post on your blog about the fake testicles, btw. I don’t think that was in the Undateable book, and I can’t believe it!
Men who aspire to *someday* own a cat.
Men who put ketchup on everything, even carrot cake.
Men who consider disliking sports a moral stance.
Men who wear Axe.
Books like these, for both genders are ridiculous. “THE RULES” I mean c’mon. Let’s think for ourselves here people. Seriously! Anyone consulting them for actual dating help should be quarantined.
Don’t get me wrong, I probably agree with a lot of these sayings and I do think they’re funny, but the real reason behind the book is to make money, not to help Guys. (And that’s not saying we don’t need help. We ABSOLUTELY need help!!!)
You make some good points. Women and men are both trying hard to figure each other out. Let’s focus on that in a more positive way.
OK, I’m off to shave off my mullet……later…….
Coincidentally we touched upon this sort of topic on our site too. Great minds, right!!??
I agree with “One of The Guys,” generalities are often more destructive than constructive. Once you are married you find that you and your spouse both have “oddities.” We should be looking to build and not tear down. Having said that we should be careful in what we portray and take as humor.
For instance, why does a man wearing a speedo make him undateable? Should women who wear form fitting swimming suits also be undateable? What is the aversion to the male form when often I can plainly see the outline of women’s breats, labia, nipples, and vulva through their one or two piece swim suits?
Compare swimming and getting in and out of the water in a form fitting suit to a trunk style.
I generally consider myself to be a very geeky guy. I have a comicbook colection, I watch anime and sci-fi, play dnd and go to various conventions. And out of my dating experiance the only ones who have had any problem with this were so shallow and image obsessed that I didn’t want to continue dating them. The only people who take these “undateble” points seriously are usually pretty undateble themselves.