I’ve talked about who pays for a date before, but I recently got a question from a reader that makes me want to discuss this again. Feel free to weigh in with your opinions. In my experience, money is a touchy subject. No less touchy when it comes to dating.
His note said:
As a guy I’m used to paying when it comes to dating. Like, if I date a woman multiple times, I pay more, which is fine, but she’ll pay here and there. The first date, since I’m asking, I’m paying for the entire thing. And any date when I ask the woman out I’m paying for the whole thing. But when a woman asks me out, I do expect her to pay.
So I’ve only had an issue twice with women not paying their share. One woman I went out with like six times and she never picked up a check, even when she asked me out.
The second woman, she did pay at times, but she still stuck me with the bill more times than not. On three of our dates I asked her out, so I paid for the entire thing. On one date that she invited me out to, she paid for the movie and then I paid for dinner. The second time she asked me out it was movie and dinner again. I got to the theater first, and feared that the movie would sell out, so I bought the tickets. Afterward we went to eat. When the bill came it was placed next to me and she didn’t reach to pick it up. So I picked it up and she asked if I wanted her to help me with it. I was thinking that she should have picked it up instead of offering to chip in. But I was nice and I said that we could split it. She then replied asking me if I was sure that I wanted her to help me with the bill. Like she was trying to play me against my manhood to get out of paying her part. So I again said yes, I’d like to split the check.
So I guess my question is, when a woman does not pay her share, what is the proper way to approach the subject? I’m not trying to be a jerk, but at the same time I’m not trying to fund the entire dating relationship.
Like I said, touchy subject. I can understand his point…it’s hard not to keep tabs when you’re paying most of the time. However, I think most women do offer to split the bill, or pick up a round of drinks or dinner while dating someone. He only mentioned having this problem twice. I would say that if a woman is giving you a hard time or obviously refusing to grab the check, then she probably is just looking to be taken care of. It’s not a bad thing, you just have to ask yourself if that’s the kind of relationship you want.
We’re living in bad economic times, so I don’t believe men should take their dates to trendy, expensive places to get some affection anyway. And I definitely believe whoever does the asking does the paying. But I’m more into creativity. if he can plan a fun, interesting date, that is WAY more appealing than spending a lot of cash to impress me or because he feels obligated.
So next time, instead of expensive dinners and movies, why not try something a little more inspiring? If she won’t hop on a bike or get her feet wet, then you know you’re dating a princess.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Exactly! it’s all about what you want from a relationship. I have a friend that likes to date girls that want to be taken care of, he even has a budget for them! Everyone is different.