Dating a dad = Hotness.
As many of you know, I married a man who came with two daughters and an ex wife. It’s not something you dream about when you’re little – inheriting a whole family along with your husband – but it’s a reality for many people out there. (The divorce rate is 50% after all…) And still I struggle with my place, my role – where I fit in. There aren’t exactly textbooks or apps that give you hints along the way. Not even a Mommy Blog that knows what to say to someone like me.
So when I receive notes and questions from readers about being a stepmom, or dating a man with kids, I feel compelled to write about it. I’m still learning, but perhaps there is something that I say that might resonate with you. I don’t know. I’ll just put it out there.
I received this note from a young woman who just began a new relationship with a man who has a daughter.
Dear Kelly,
I met this man through an online dating website. He was a bright blue eyed, smiling, handsome man. Before I could message him, my inbox pinged and there was a message from him. He told me that he liked my profile and wanted to know if I would like to talk.
Right away, we clicked. The conversation was fun, flirty, and easy, that is until he dropped an unexpected bombshell on me. First off he told me that he had a nine -year -old daughter. This caught me off guard and made my heart sink. I always wanted to be the one that gave a man his children and I wasn’t too keen on the idea of the drama of dealing with an ex. As the conversation progressed, I found that I liked talking to him, and had an attraction to him both physically and mentally.
Well, we started talking everyday and soon we were dating. I was falling in love with him and he said that he is falling in love with me too. The only thing is, I am still struggling with the fact that he has a daughter. I think I am most afraid of drama with his ex and the fact that if we became more serious, how could I be a good stepmom to this little girl? The thought worries me all the time. I want to be able to be ok with the fact that he has a daughter and with the prospect of being a stepmom, as that is something we have discussed. I love him and want to be with him, but I am scared and afraid of the unknown. What should I do to become more comfortable with him having a daughter and me potentially being her stepmom?
First of all, thank you so much for writing to me – I know how it feels to fall in love with a man with kids and to be TERRIFIED of what could happen. But also to be excited about your man and falling in love. It is an emotional roller coaster for sure, so don’t feel you are alone!
That said, I’m not going to lie – it is really tough negotiating the blended family. Especially at first. Don’t be surprised if his daughter tests you, or if there isn’t an immediate bond. Most of the time there isn’t because you’re not her Mom, and she has a fierce loyalty to Mom. As long as he’s willing to let you and his daughter take your time and get to know and trust each other, and not expect instant bonding, you are good. I find that love – and even like – can take a little while to grow. Don’t expect anything instant – but your love for your boyfriend will definitely be the key piece of the puzzle. If he has your back, and your best interests at heart, this is the best thing.
XO,
Kelly
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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