I was inspired by Brie Reynolds over at a blog called …ology. She said picking out the right pumpkin for Halloween is a lot like dating.
It’s true. Some pumpkins are rounder, some larger, some awkwardly skinny and some that are lop-sided. Although I envision finding the perfect pumpkin and what it would look like before I get there (round, symmetrical, deep orange, nice stem), I am met with nice, but less-than-perfect alternatives. I swear that all the good ones have been taken already, sitting on porches with their perfectly carved faces, their innards turned into fresh pumpkin pies.
So for me, finding a pumpkin is a longer process than stopping by the grocery store and grabbing one on the way home from work. I wade through the patch, examining the benefits of each one…how long it would take me to carve, what kind of face I’d make for that pumpkin, or even which pumpkin is the one that everyone will reject because of some blatant imperfection? Sigh. An hour later, I’m exhausted.
I’ve always had problems in making a decision. One my strengths is my ability to see all sides of an argument. I apply this skill to everything in my life, which really gets me nowhere in terms of getting from point A to point B. Sometimes I wish I had a little more tunnel vision, just to be able to pick a shade of lipstick in under 2 hours. Forget about birthday presents for friends…that could take days of struggle. I’m tired thinking about Christmas this year.
When I was dating, I dated all kinds of men. I didn’t really have any guidelines at first, except that they not be serial killers or anything creepy. Although I did date a former criminal lawyer who wrote novels about serial killers who kind of creeped me out. But the point is, normally if someone asked me out, I would say yes to a first date. (Please read WinkWinkZoe’s great new post on Yes vs. No if you haven’t).
The problem with this method was that…combined with my indecision…I dated all kinds of people who weren’t appropriate for me. I couldn’t say no. And yet, there were times when I was glad I’d said yes to someone I wasn’t attracted to, because he ended up being an interesting date. Although I had a vision about my “perfect” guy and what he would be like, I met ones who didn’t resemble him at all, and some were still great. And I guess it wasn’t such a bad thing. When I finally let go of the vision in my head of what I thought I wanted, and stopped the worrying, comparing, and filtering of all the available single prospects, something changed. When I let things go and started enjoying the dating process rather than worrying about how much time I’d wasted or what I was doing wrong, things started to move forward for me.
Lists aren’t a bad thing. Picturing what you want isn’t a bad thing either. But I would say, instead of looking for a man or woman with certain characteristics that you think are important, think about what you want in a relationship. I say this because at the end of the day, I knew how I wanted to feel in a relationship, and that was more important to me than finding a man who was tall, charming, outdoors-y, and into politics and art. For instance.
I haven’t looked for my pumpkin yet this year, and Halloween is only 2 days away. But I’m pretty sure there are still some good ones out there.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Yes I’m sure that there is an abundance of *ahem* pumpkins out there!
I love this choosing a pumpkin/choosing a date analogy! It’s true that it is easy to over think the whole process of nearly any decision when there are so many choices and we haven’t drawn that line in our minds where we have a manageable list of what we must have, but not a massive list.
The worst of course is when you find that pumpkin that is perfect on the outside but rotten on the inside to the point where is won’t hold up for more than a few days.