I like change. Always have. I changed majors in college from music to psychology to business to accounting to anthropology. I moved cities four times before I was 31, and I’d lived in a total of 9 apartments by then, too. I changed jobs, even industries like they were flavors at Cold Stone. I won’t even mention the number of dates I had before all of my friends were married off and having babies. That’s just depressing.
Some of you might be thinking…what’s wrong with her? Because most people know if they want to be a doctor, a financial consultant, a therapist, etc. You plan, you work, and you pursue your goal. Why waste time trying out lots of different things, when you get so much further ahead by focusing on what you want?
The problem was that I never knew what exactly it was I wanted. Sure, I liked certain things, but there was nothing in particular that I wanted to pursue for hours every day, every week, every month, every year for an endless period of time. Committing to anything like that was overwhelming to me. So, I took everything a step at a time, trying different paths and seeing what fit. While I wasn’t on a fast track to success, I was led to memorable experiences and I eventually found what I truly enjoyed doing (which ironically is helped by all the weird sidetracked paths I took along the way). I know for me, there was no other way but to stumble around, make mistakes, pursue something that wasn’t a good fit, pick myself up and move on. It taught me about the benefits of persistence, patience, and experimentation.
Of course all of this fed into how I dated – going from one man to the next. I could argue that I didn’t really know what I wanted, so it took a few relationships and hundreds of dates to finally get there. But I look at it differently. I was seeing what didn’t work for me, as well as what was truly important. I learned what I wanted from a man – from a relationship – instead of thinking a great date was automatically relationship material. He had to be more than a list of what I wanted: good-looking, ambitious, successful, etc. Those things have nothing to do with an “us.” They are just fun to be around.
Okay, I got off track a little. But what I’m saying is this: there are no mistakes when it comes to searching for what fulfills us – a relationship, job, city, whatever. The point is that we keep searching, until we know in our hearts we’ve found it. Even if it takes our whole adults lives. There’s no shame in that. It’s progress.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Change is good! Without a doubt.
Eventually people settle down, and the reason is they have found what they want…until then, change is good!
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Sometimes you just have to date a lot to figure out what you want and need in a relationship and a man. The more men I meet and am “out there” dating, the more in tune I become with myself.