I had a boyfriend in college whose roommate would clean his ears with Q-tips and then leave them scattered around the bathroom and closets instead of throwing them away. At one point, my boyfriend found one in his shoe.
“That’s it,” he declared. “No more Qtips!”
The Qtip dilemma stopped for about a week, but then started up again with a new fierceness. I stayed out of the bathroom and closets when I visited, so for the most part, I wasn’t affected. I did not want to rock the boat, so I didn’t say anything.
As gross as this habit was, it didn’t beat that of my roommate’s boyfriend, who liked to chew tobacco and spit the juice into empty coke cans lining our shelves and desks. (I’m from Texas remember—they like their chewin’ tobaccah, guns, and BBQ, and not in that order). I guess it served us right that we’d leave cans lying around like that, but this was before recycling was available everywhere, and I just didn’t feel right trashing aluminum. So, they’d pile up until I found someone with a car willing to take me to the grocery store to get Fruity Pebbles and dump the recycling. Sometimes on drunk nights we’d forget which cans he spit in. You can guess what happened. Ain’t pretty.
This got me thinking about bad habits, and how they kind of creep into our lives without us realizing. Then these habits just become part of “who we are”. So, when we date other people with other bad habits, where do we draw the line between what is acceptable/ what we must tolerate vs. what we should confront?
I’ve lived with roommates and by myself. Mostly by myself, for long periods of time. I don’t like it when dishes are left in the sink, or when there’s mold in the shower under the shampoo bottles (read my last post for background on my current issues with mold), so I will grab a sponge at 11:00 at night if I have to. I don’t like it when the door is left unlocked, and I check it about 10 times before I leave or go to bed. I have a ritual with cleaning my teeth that takes about 20 minutes (much like the OCD woman in “Obsessed”, who can’t stop brushing her teeth).
These are just a few of my “habits”…even though I have a blog I’m a pretty private person, so I’ll refrain from too much detail…
Since I’ve lived by myself a lot, I like my things the way they are. I like my rituals. And I’m not very forgiving of having to change and adjust for someone else. At least I thought I wasn’t, so I was scared of someone else coming into the picture. I didn’t know if I could handle dealing with a significant other’s habits, or having to break some of my own.
Now that I’m sharing my life, my space with my significant other, it’s different. Of course we’ve had to make adjustments. Of course we’ve made compromises (I left the dishes piled in the sink last night FYI). But I’m more capable of letting things go. I’m more flexible than I thought I could be, and he’s more understanding of my annoying little habits that I won’t disclose here. There are too many great things about him and the relationship to let the annoying habits get in the way.
Bad habits will always be present in all of us. The less importance we place on keeping everything around us as we like it, and the more willing we are to be flexible and let things go, the happier we’ll be.
So that’s why I’m glad I found out…I am able to change, to accept, and to tolerate. It’s not as hard as I thought it might be.
Whether you’re single or coupled, don’t let annoying habits dictate whether or not you want to pursue a relationship. We’re all capable of change. And we’re more forgiving than we think.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
There is an amazing amount that we have to learn to “get over.” Getting hung up on someone’s bad habits is a difficult ego thing to overcome for many people.
However, it is good to know your limits too. Some annoying habits are things that you just can’t deal with either. Take Q Tip guy. Imagine, how is a future wife supposed to look at all those Q Tips everywhere and think, “Man my husband is hot!”. Yeah, the Q Tips thing is probably annoying enough to be the nuclear deterrent to prevent everlasting happiness.
Thanks CluexFour, and I totally agree. Although I felt like I lived with tobacco guy and Qtip guy. It was much easier to accept their habits when I was 20 compared to say…30…or 35. No way would Qtips fly now.
That said, I really thought I couldn’t handle other people’s bad habits enough to live with a boyfriend. I envisioned separate houses even. But I was more tolerant than I thought, and it’s working out pretty well.
Thank goodness he’s not Qtip or Tobacco guy though…
Whenever I move in with a girl…she’s going to have a lot of changing to do 😉
I can handle dishes in the sink, but rise them! My roomies now will leave out dishes that by morning have caked on dry food on them. Thankfully, they clean them the next day but I still see the corroded chaos since I’m the first one up everyday.
My future guy will just have to handle the fact that I like to get ready in my bra in the morning and it’s not foreplay. I just don’t want make-up on my shirt.
http://www.ziazitella.wordpress.com
But Kelly, you don’t explain how a person as perfect as me improves my already perfect habits. 😉
Seriously. I have only amazing habits. Nothing to change here. Ask my gf. Lol.
LA Idiot – good thing you’re planning that now! 🙂
Zia Zitella – I HATE crusty dishes. In fact, i encountered some this morning. Sigh. Some things are still annoying. And about the make-up thing—that’s why I stay in my pajamas as long as possible.
Alex – True. I wasn’t talking to you. Although your GF did mention your hang-up with Miley Cyrus music when you do laundry…
What about my roommates nail biting habit!!!!!
Not putting out isn’t a bad habit, right? If so, I am quite neat when alone, but as soon as I have company, I let go. However, dishes must always washed, QTips trashed and the floor swept. My bad habit is leaving my clothes on the floor after I take ’em off. I, also, tend to fill every empty space I find on my desk. I expect no tolerance for this because, like we say here, “he who loves me will love me with my snot.” ,-)
Cigarette Sally – thanks for stopping by! I would say it’s fine unless she leaves the clippings all over the house.
Wilmaryad – that’s funny you let go with company…but I have to say, especially if they are messy, what’s the point? You have to clean up after them anyway. And I’m going to start using the snot phrase. Classic…
All over the house would be good-Its all over my BED!!!!!
As bad as this sounds you should not have to change for anybody. Let them know upfront just how you are.
It’s funny- I use to be JUST LIKE THIS!i would hang out with a guy i liked and as soon he liked me i lost interest.what i did was i like this one guy Alex right, and well we dated but then it was like i didn’t and wnaetd to break up with him, so i told myself pull it in for this one.so i stuck with it and now we have been together for 4 months and were inseparable.:]