As a former hostess of speed dating events, I’ve had the pleasure of talking with a lot of daters over the years. One issue that I see cropping up time and time again is a very basic one: how to approach and how to be approachable.
A lot of guys feel that women make themselves unapproachable (rightfully so…they have had to be the risk-taker in most cases). When they see an attractive woman at a party, bar, restaurant, wherever, many are afraid to approach. Maybe because she has a posse of friends who will immediately shoot him down, or perhaps she doesn’t seem interested and he doesn’t want to risk the humiliation of rejection. So, he stays in his corner and she stays in hers. Once again, a potentially nice introduction is avoided because of fear.
I want to let women and men know that there is a lot of miscommunication that goes on when two people don’t know each other. This can and should be avoided by a few simple steps. Now, I’m well aware that some of you don’t like being approached by a total stranger when you are out, but many of you also sit around and wonder why you’re not meeting anyone new. Sound familiar? So, why not try a couple of things and see if you have better luck.
First, it’s time to lose your friends. I’m not saying don’t bring friends along, but if you are looking to be approached, it’s intimidating to be surrounded. So, saunter over to the bar and order a drink on your own. Be brave, it’s attractive.
Second, don’t fold your arms across your chest or look down at your feet. Make eye contact. Smile. This goes a long way in communicating to those around you that you ARE interested, you DO welcome their introduction, etc.
Third, be brave. Go over to your object of affection and strike up that conversation. What’s the worst that could happen?
Remember, even if there is no chemistry, it’s flattering to be noticed, and contributes your overall dating mojo. So don’t reject the guys who introduce themselves to you. Welcome them and learn from their bravery.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
You talk a lot of sense here. From a man’s point of view, I wouldn’t approach a girl unless there’d been maybe three definite eye contacts. Going to the bar alone is a good one because it’s easier to try your luck. You are both forced to stand there, you may be quite close to one another, and you can bond over not getting served.
http://plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com/
How you can sell this idea of double standards? Why is ALL the risk on the man?
Do you hear how that sounds? AWFUL!