Photo by Ales Krivec on Unsplash.
I’m excited to share this guest post from Brett Farmiloe, who writes about healthy living and mental health education. Thank for sharing your wisdom, Brett!
Are you looking for that magical person, place or thing that will fulfill you? How long have you been looking? Chances are you, like many others, consider fulfillment your ultimate destination. We have been taught to look for fulfillment externally – in the form of a significant other, a passion-driven career, or somewhere within ourselves. But this is misguided.
According to a study by NORC at the University of Chicago, over the last 40 years while people have been seeking their bliss, happiness levels have remained the same. While happiness and fulfillment aren’t the same, there is definitely a connection.
True fulfillment comes from a mindset, rather than achieving a specific goal. If you are asking yourself when you are going to finally feel fulfilled, consider the possibility that this may be the wrong question to ask.
Fulfillment is not an end goal to reach, rather it’s a lifelong journey, or a way of looking at life.
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution to finding fulfillment.
A person living a fulfilling life has the ability to create positive experiences within their current circumstances. Positive experiences make you feel good. And when you know that you are in charge of them, your whole perception changes from disenchantment to enthusiastic engagement.
You may have your own idea of what a positive experience means. The trick is to learn to create that experience now, rather than yearning for something that may or may not come to pass.
“If you are asking yourself when you are going to finally feel fulfilled, consider the possibility that this may be the wrong question to ask.”
Blame it on society or the media that peddles the myth. We live in world where a majority of people buy into the idea that personal or career achievement means fulfillment. If you find love, marry right, work hard, make money, have kids…you will be fulfilled. Consequently, you spend your whole life trying to tick all the boxes, and forget to appreciate what is right there in front of you.
It’s also easy to get caught up in trendy movements that implement a routine and checklist for fulfillment. Many inspired gurus preach that what worked for them will work for you. Following someone else’s prescription is easy, but does it apply to you specifically?
Knowing how to change your mindset takes a bit more personal work.
Learn to love the journey, not the destination.
How do you look at life? If you think of life as drudgery, a series of events that have to be endured until you reach a specific goal or ideal – that is the reality that you will create for yourself. On the other hand, if you can learn to look at every life experience as meaningful, you will shift your efforts and outlook, rather than simply enduring it. The mindset shift means constantly looking at ways to optimize life experiences.
This brings me to my next point: find fulfillment in the experience of life, not by achieving a series of goals.
Establishing a foundation for a fulfilled life.
No matter what personal or professional goals you are trying to achieve, there are certain foundational elements you need to build first.
Enjoy the process, not just the goal.
Accomplishing goals always feels good. It’s that expected feeling of relief and accomplishment that motivates us to lose the additional 10 pounds or organize a closet. But after accomplishing each goal, why doesn’t the feeling of achievement last?
The term arrival fallacy explains it best: when we work towards a goal, the anticipated satisfaction of reaching the goal keeps our brains motivated and soothed. Seeking out future goals to trigger that feel-good effect becomes a never-ending cycle, and we are left dependent on external motivators for short-term fulfillment. This isn’t sustainable.
When we focus on finding meaning in the process itself, regardless of setbacks or goals met, we will feel more fulfilled overall.
Prioritize certain aspects of your life.
While chasing professional goals, do not neglect to spend time building close connections with friends and family. A 75 year-long study conducted by Harvard tracked hundreds of men who were either from lower socio-economic backgrounds or Harvard graduates. Through health tests, surveys, and interviews, researchers found one factor that trumped all others in determining the men’s fulfillment and health. It wasn’t wealth or a career, but love.
Quality relationships may be the foundation for fulfillment, and it’s not really something you can fabricate by following a “how to” guide. Value your loved ones and enjoy the journey of life, and you may find yourself no longer yearning for fulfillment.
Author bio: Brett Farmiloe is a contributing writer for Online Counseling Programs, an online resource for master’s degrees in counseling, mental health education and related professions. He’s also a backyard chicken farmer and enjoys a good game of hoops.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Leave a Reply