I’ve gone on many online dates that just haven’t worked out, for whatever reason. Maybe there’s no chemistry, maybe there’s no connection, or maybe there’s not enough interest to go out on a second date. Whatever the reason, I’ve always felt that first dates were just a testing ground, to see if there’s any potential for another date. If the guy doesn’t seem interested, I don’t push the issue. I accept that we go our separate ways—no multiple emails and texts, no “just checking in with you” voicemails. (Umm, except for the few guys I really wanted. But that kind of “follow-up” is normal…)
Anyway, I’m still surprised by the people who just can’t seem to accept that someone isn’t interested in them. I was reminded again by a date I heard about recently. The girl went out with a guy from a popular dating website (not a free site btw, in case you’re thinking this was a POF or OkCupid mishap which would make more sense). As it turned out, the date was less than exciting. They ended up splitting the bill and parting ways.
The next day, she decided to bite the bullet and sent him an email, just to make sure he knew she wasn’t interested:
It was nice to meet you last night. However, I didn’t feel any chemistry on our date, and I don’t think it makes sense for us to go out again. Please don’t feel that you did anything wrong – the chemistry’s either there or it isn’t – and take care.
Seems pretty straightforward to me. Sure, if he was interested, it’s disappointing, but at least it’s honest and not misleading, which in my opinion is always worse.
Here’s his reply (edited down for blog purposes, but leaving the context as is):
I agree with you to. I really felt as if you weren’t that interested in me. I wasn’t planning on calling you anyways. Don’t take this the wrong way. But i felt as if i over paid for my dinner. I gave you too much money. All I had was a glass of wine which was $5.00 and a bowl of Soup which was $4.00 Which tax and tip I should of only paid $12.00. But never mind. I lossed money.
I got the impression of yourself that you don’t like to do fun things. When I talk to you about what you like to do you could tell me one thing about them. You had nothing in common with me. Good Luck with you. I already threw your number away last night so don’t worry about me calling you. It was a big waste of time meeting you to begin with. So long!
🙂
Also,
I thought it was kind of rude of you to say thats for the dinner when the check came. You assumed that I was going to pay the bill. Then you changed your mind and you said let’s split it. I thought that was a big turn off. Girls think guys should automatically pay the check on the first time meeting thats not how it is with me. I am not a money bag made of moeny. I was very insulted by the way you acted toward me.
Huh.
I’ll just point out that half the email is about how much money he paid, even though they split the bill. He’s not a money bag made of money, you know. I guess it’s possible she ordered the $25 entree special, which doesn’t compare to $5 soup, but then he had his chance to order dessert and a Bailey’s to make up for it. Plus she could have stuck you with the bill, dude.
And I will overlook the grammar and spelling mistakes, considering he already sounds like a 10-year old who got picked last in the dodgeball line-up at school.
Anyway, I’m sure we’ve all felt rejected by online dating, but hopefully most of us have shown some restraint. Reconsider your need to throw a temper-tantrum over email or text, especially when it can get circulated to people like me. 🙂
Which brings up another weird thing about this email response…why did he end his letter with a smiley face? Doesn’t that seem a bit out of place? Was it a sarcastic smiley, or was he trying to appear fun and cute? Hmm. Creepy.
My point is this: if your date isn’t interested, accept it and MOVE ON, just to save yourself from being tempted to send emails like these. Otherwise Facebook, email, and Twitter will help your rant get circulated to all the wrong people. Just sayin’.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
HAHAHAH GUYS ARE SO CHEAP I love it
If I had gotten that email from her, I would have fired off a rude reply too. Her email was impersonal and form-letter style. Ladies, you do NOT need to send a guy an email after the first date letting him know you aren’t interested. Are you THAT egotistical to think that you’re God’s gift to men. Let him contact you, THEN let him down. Don’t assume he’s so stupid that he couldn’t figure out you’re not interested by the way you acted on the date. And also don’t assume that EVERY MAN wants you desperately.
I’m not justifying the guy’s response, but really, get a clue about men before you continue dating.
Great information! I’ve been looking for something like this for a while now. Thanks!
Hi Jesse—thanks for stopping by!
Hmm…I see your point, but I don’t really agree with you on this one—I don’t think it’s egotistical to let someone know whether or not you’re interested. In other words, it’s best to not lead him/her on. I know that when I’ve liked someone and then never heard from them again, it made me second guess everything—did I say something wrong? Did he get in a car accident? Why didn’t he call back?
Most men I’ve asked would rather have a woman tell them she isn’t interested than to try and figure her out. And I think most women would rather not be left guessing either.
I think most people appreciate someone letting them know rather than waiting by the phone for that second date, or having your phone calls go unreturned. That’s my opinion.
I agree there guys are cheap…lol