Although many people have opinions on speed dating, I’ve found the majority of singles have never tried it because they have an idea that “good/attractive people don’t speed date”, “it’s overwhelming”, “it’s not the easiest way to meet people”, etc. So, I thought I’d talk a bit about it in this post and clear up the rumors since I hosted them for a few years. I’ll also list some pointers if you’d like to try it out.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with speed dating, here’s a basic rundown:
20-50 men and women gather together at Bar X (the number depends on the organization and how much time they allow for each date…I’ll tell you how to pick the one that’s right for you in a separate post). They are seated in pairs across from each other at a table, and each is handed a “score card” to keep track of everyone they meet. (Each person wears a nametag listing their first names and a number to identify themsleves.) Couples are given a total of 3-8 minutes to have a mini-date (again, the amount of time depends on the organization). Then the guys get up and rotate to the next girl until they have dated all the participants. After each date, the participants circle “yes” or “no” if they want to see each other again. If there is a match (both say “yes”), then they are given each other’s emails and can get started setting up a real date.
Sounds easy and painless, but I have witnessed some less-than-thrilled participants. Mostly due to unrealistic expectations.
I think the most important thing to remember about speed dating is to keep it light. It’s supposed to be a casual atmosphere for getting to know a lot of people at once, to see if there’s any initial chemistry. Don’t run through the checklist in your head of everything you want in a partner and see if your dates measure up. There’s no way to know that in 3 minutes, and you’ll leave pissed off.
If you go into it stressed, uptight, or scared it doesn’t usually turn out well—you’ll tend to come off looking either high strung or lacking confidence. So, don’t feel stressed. Consider it like online dating…you are running through profiles, only they are in person right in front of you instead of on your computer screen.
Also, keep your conversations brief and interesting. This isn’t the time to list all of your qualifications as boyfriend/ girlfriend material because it’s hardly a job interview. Ask questions instead of doing all the talking. Flirt. The main thing is to test for chemistry and connection, and then you can get to know each other over a longer date.
Don’t get frustrated if you aren’t attracted to many of the participants. Remember to think of it like online dating…you go through several profiles before you see one that you like. The beauty of speed dating is that it cuts out all the emailing and calling and you can go straight to the face-to-face contact.
Even if you don’t connect with someone at a speed dating event, use this as an opportunity to expand your social network. Many of the people I encountered ended up becoming friends and inviting each other to parties and events where they met eventual girlfriends/ boyfriends.
Speed dating is not for everyone, but it’s impossible to know that without first trying it out (more than once).
Here are a few sites to check out:
SpeedLADating (for you in L.A.)
Hope this helps…let me know what your experience has been if you’ve tried it.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
So have you tried it yet? Would love to hear your experience, good or bad. When single I would have probably tried this if it had been in my area. I could see it as going really good or really bad 🙂
Never mind if I would have read your “About Me” page first I wouldn’t have asked the last question! Look forward to the book though 🙂
I wish they had this when I was dating. I wrote a little script about it in my “Bob the Vegan” series.
I think this is a no brainer. Face to Face is the best way anyway. Saves a ton of time and expectation. And your ideas are good. Keep it light. Funny. Quick evaluation and move on. I’m not surprised that a lot of the people become friends.
The key to being single is just saying YES. Go to the parties you get invited to, the events, etc. You never know how you might meet THE ONE! (If there is such a thing)
I did the personals back when it wasn’t cool to do it. I didn’t tell many people because I knew they would make fun of me. I didn’t give a shit! I met some cool people. One woman I set up with my best friend and they’re now married with kids. You never know!!
Thanks for your comments! E—yes, it can go good or bad, depending on how you approach it. As I mentioned, it’s best to just keep it light and try to have fun with it. If you’re too serious, it can be frustrating.
One of the Guys—I will check out your “Bob the Vegan” series—ha! And I totally agree about the “saying YES” advice. You have to put yourself out there and push the boundaries of your comfort zone for anything to happen. If you’re always hanging out with the same people, nothing changes.
I’ve always wondered what speed dating is like from the organizer’s perspective. Can you tell when a date is going totally weird? (As so many of mine have.) Can you spot the inept daters? And I’ve also always wondered about the idea of “making friends” at speed dating. I tend to assume that very few people are actually interested in that, but it sounds like you’ve seen otherwise?
Thanks for your comment Speed Dating Girl—and your blog is great! Yes, I can spot the inept daters just from checking them in. A general thing I’ve noticed is that girls come with their friends for support and guys tend to be embarrassed and explain why they are there. I think if everyone just accepted speed dating as ONLY another method to meet people, everyone would have a better time. And yes, I’ve seen a lot of people become friends through speed dating, it just depends how open you are to that being ok.
Way back when I was dating I think that I would have enjoyed speed dating rather than online dating (neither existed back then). I like to meet people face to face.
Two of the coolest speed dating companies that I’ve come across are RocknRoll Dating http://www.rocknrolldating.com/ you speed date in between sets by local bands so you get to hear great music even if it doesn’t work out. I also think that speed bowling http://www.weekenddating.com/bowling.shtml would be cool, because you can tell a lot about a guy by how he reacts when he throws a gutter ball.
Tina—thanks for these suggestions! I hadn’t heard about RocknRoll Dating, that is a cool idea. I will check it out.
There are plenty of Speed Dating Questions there – just pick and choose a few for your evening. Don’t take a long list with you – just have a few to ease the conversations along and find out more about the people you are talking to, without it being an interview, so don’t be asking stuff like “Where do you see yourself in three years time” !! It’s important to Have Fun!