For the most part, people are sane. Rational. Most hold down a job in their lives. They pay their bills. They take care of business.
So why is it that when it comes to dating, people can be batsh*t crazy?
If we step back and pause for a moment before we press the “send” key for an angry email or text, we’d probably see that we are entering into crazy mode sometimes. Take a couple of deep breaths. Realize that your anger is temporary. Move on.
But life isn’t so simple. I’m reminded of this by a woman who met a guy, went on a couple of dates, and realized she just wasn’t that interested. She wrote him a note saying she “didn’t feel any magic in his kiss”, which maybe wasn’t the best way to turn him down, but at least it’s way better than pulling the disappearing act.
This is what she got back:
Wow.
Your expectations must be really really high. Because my experience with kissing women is that your kiss-back in the parking lot after dinner was very enthusiastic indeed.
I actually think you very much enjoyed that first kiss after dinner …
You see, I ***KNOW*** it wasn’t the kiss. I have just kissed waaaaaay toooooo many women to know that that wasn’t the case. It is my opinion that I was doomed from the first minute that date began. Because, I was definitely going to kiss you in the parking lot, after all that kiss buildup on the phone by you. And, unbeknownst to me, once I kissed you the whole shebang would be over, NO MATTER HOW GOOD A KISSER I WAS!!!!!!!. So, I was ***doomed*** the minute I entered the restaurant.
It is **OK** that you don’t want to date me. OK.
Sigh. And this was just about a kiss. Promise you’ll stop, walk away from the computer for 10 minutes, and then decide whether you should send it. Have your friend look it over and tell you (unless they are crazy too). Pretty please? It will help out your fellow daters. Really.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Ah, the temporary moments of insanity before pressing send! I struggled with this very thing yesterday morning as I composed, revised, deleted, composed again then finally sent a text message letting someone know things were over.
What you’re saying is so very true, it we take a moment to “whooo sah”, the anger and any other emotions we’re feeling at that time may subside.
Still, sometimes the witch in me doesn’t want it to because I’m likely trying to make a point and wanting to make it sting and it won’t be because of a bad kiss. =)
Ha! Thanks for stopping by My Dating Hangovers…
Yes, it is tempting to send an angry text esp. if we feel wronged. There is something gratifying about telling someone off (hopefully about more than a bad kiss). However, no good ever comes of it, and we don’t really get satisfaction. Plus, it may end up on a blog post somewhere. who would do that??
Speaking of hangover, I just finished 4 martinis. Oy…pressing send…
excellent advice.
Maybe it’s because our sense of being loved is developed at an early age, so when people feel rejected they regress to their inner 5 year old, which makes them sound crazy?
You may say “There was no magic in the kiss,” but the truth is, magic happens well before a kiss so the real reason for rejection is more along the lines of: “Your hairline really turns me off,” or, “I can’t live with a man who clanks his silverware against the plate like that,” or, “Your face reminds me of a creepy teacher I used to have.” But no matter how you break the news, someone ends up looking crazy. How do you let someone down without hurting their ego? Can you just shake hands, say “Good match” and be done with it?
Nope. Because all our inner-five year olds are desperate for nurturing and affection. It’s WAY more personal than a match of tennis, or going to work, or paying the bills.
Thanks FearfulGirl! I have to agree that the inner five-year old who wants to be loved comes out for sure in these situations. It is about as personal as you can get, so I get frustrated with people who say “It isn’t you, but…”
I still think we should be honest and let dates know when we’re not interested. The alternative is we keep calling and wondering why they disappeared. Even if it’s not much info to go on, or even if it’s wrong info (no magic in the kiss), at least the person knows that it is going nowhere, so he can move on. Hopefully gracefully!
There should be a dating red card. You can just hold it up, no questions, no explanations, just a red card that signals “DISMISSED”
Sorry, but this isn’t an example of “crazy.”
This is an example of a guy telling a woman to piss off for her obnoxious comment. The wording of her let down makes it clear she’s someone who has unrealistic expectations and ideas of love and romance. He was fead on right to say he was doomed from the start.
It’s not crazy when it’s true.
Thanks for stopping by Gia!
I have to say his email was originally 3 pages of ranting, but I cut it down for sake of the post. It was way too much. I agree though…she didn’t really handle the turn-down well, and perhaps her expectations were a little high. But at least her email was polite, and not completely defensive.
I still think you should walk away and think before pressing “send”.