I’ve been a little sensitive lately, and out of the blue came across this brilliant article that discusses criticism. I’ve always had my inner critic on high gear, especially when I write. And especially when I’m feeling not so great about myself.
But what happens when you put your thoughts or feelings out into the world, and then are met with snap judgments and the harsh opinions of others? It’s discouraging, to say the least. I assume that they must know better than me – right? I imagine the people criticizing me have some secret insight that I’m not aware of. That they are all-powerful and knowing. Why oh why did I even bother to say what I think? I obviously don’t know what I’m talking about.
So, I go on the defensive. My skills are sharpened to help me point out the things I should be correcting, how people might take offense or argue back. This can lead to some insane thinking. I envision what others might say about something I’m writing, how they’d find it false or stupid. I mean, when you are taking a giant red marker to everything you say as you say it, you can’t get far. Especially as a writer.
Then there is the other side of criticism: should we ignore it completely? Should I tell myself that someone has anger issues, or is immature, or is an asshole because he or she criticizes me? That I should completely discount another opinion if it radically differs from mine? That’s not quite right either.
Which is why Sarah Robinson’s article has inspired me to write a post.
The truth is, if you have something to say, you’ll always have people out there who disagree with you. Some are more harsh and vocal than others. But since I want to write I have to be willing to handle the crap that comes with it. It’s part of what makes me grow as a writer I think – that someone else can make me think differently, or make me question something in a way I never thought of. It also teaches me how to filter out the nonsense. Sometimes, criticism is just petty. Always consider the source. Is it someone you trust, or a complete stranger? Or are you taking a suggestion way too personally?
I’m still working on how I handle criticism overall. My tendency is to automatically equate it with failure. If I didn’t connect with someone, or they didn’t really understand what I was saying, I take responsibility. I don’t think this is a bad thing, but I need to learn to walk away. To move on more quickly.
Sometimes, I need to give the red marker a rest and just go with the flow.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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