Ok, I’ve been inspired by yet another blog post this week, this time from Wombat over at Kiss and Blog, one of my favorites. He writes about overthinking, and how it can paralyze us as far as making good decisions, or in my case, any decision at all. Ha!
It’s really easy to do this when it comes to dating and relationships. We question every little behavior, we assume, and we go back and forth over whether to wait to text, what he meant when he said that, or how to make the next move. One of my friends refers to this as “superheading.” (Don’t get kinky on me, folks.) I mean the act of overthinking. Instead of going with our guts, the mind takes over. We make false assumptions, we panic, or we jump to the worst possible conclusions. We think about what’s happened in our past and assume that will happen again. We tend to rationalize our fears. We delay action. We become our own worst enemies.
Sometimes when we’re overthinking we ask our friends for input and advice, which can go in many directions. I do this a lot; I can’t help it. I need as many opinions as possible to make a “good” decision. However, this process is usually not as helpful as I’d like to believe. It makes me even more confused than I was before.
Arriving at a fork in the road can be utterly paralyzing when we try to rationalize our way into choosing the right path. We do our “pro” and “con” lists, hoping to arrive at an informed decision. But most often, choosing which path to take requires a giant leap of faith.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, when it comes down to it, our guts are usually right. Michelle Obama gave some dating advice earlier this week to a group of young women. She said that knowing whether someone is right for you means paying attention to the intangible things: how they make you feel, how they make others feel, if you feel good about the relationship at your core. Not whether they have potential, or how much money they make, or any other criteria that sounds good on paper. In the end, it’s your instincts that are most accurate.
So the next time you start superheading, remember to check in with your gut.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Yes, we always criticize people who think with their hearts instead of their heads, but thinking to the point where you ignore what your heart is telling you is just as bad. You don’t want to jump into things with no thought, but you always need to remember that everything that is worthwhile is still going to require a leap of faith into the unknown. There simply are no guarantees when it come to the things that make life worth living.