I can be a very impressionable person…I know this about myself after all of these years. So I am thankful I’ve never been in a relationship with a guy who tried to change me. Change my appearance, that is.
My guest post for today’s Woman’s POV section over at BadOnlineDates deals with this subject. I interviewed a friend of mine whose ex boyfriend laughed at her body, and asked her to change parts of herself to fit what she called his “porn star ideal.” She is at heart an athletic girl and tomboy, so tight dresses and heels weren’t her thing. She’s always been self-conscious about the parts of her body that weren’t so “feminine”, like her small chest. So when her boyfriend made fun of her, it compounded her insecurities, not only about her chest, but about her sexuality and beauty as a whole.
When I was younger, I didn’t feel beautiful or sexy around men. Generally speaking, I can be pretty self-conscious of my body and how I look, so it’s hard to be feminine in that space. When I was younger, I was hung up on specific things, like my large nose and hips. I preferred to wear baggy jeans or long shirts that covered them up…the nose I couldn’t do much about. With all of that hiding, how could I possibly think of myself as beautiful or attractive to men?
Luckily, I’ve changed over the years, as has my friend August. It’s nice to have the perspective of feeling sexy in your own right, for who you are…not who you’re trying to be to please someone else. It’s a good feeling to be comfortable in your own skin.
Have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend try to change something about you?
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Dating someone who wants to change you whether physically or otherwise is a big red flag that this person is not right for you (not to mention shallow if they want to physically change you.) Yes, it’s important to be comfortable in your own skin. If you don’t learn how to do this when you’re younger it’s that much harder to do it when you’re older and you have to learn how to be comfortable in your own finely lined skin:)
Hi Tina!
I agree—but I think younger women fall into this trap a lot. We don’t realize when we’re younger that other people’s opinions don’t matter as much as we think. I think that’s something that comes with age. Well, I’m glad no BF told me to get a boob job or anything. Ugh.