There’s no good way to spin it: break-ups suck. Whether you are doing the splitting or your SO calls it quits, the feeling of loss, anger and pain is the same. But you can’t get through it without sitting with your pain. Yes, I said it.
You have to sit with the pain.
There are no short-cuts. I think many people have a hard time with that. Our culture expects us to be super resilient, to bounce back quickly. We are given a few days to grieve, and then nobody wants to hear about our problems anymore. Get back on the horse and all that. But it’s never so simple.
While I don’t believe you should wallow in self-pity indefinitely, there’s something to be said for allowing yourself to feel anger, sadness…let’s face it: grief. It’s an ending, so we need to take some time before starting another chapter, book, etc.
I’m honored to share a few of my thoughts about break-ups and how to move forward in today’s Cupid’s Pulse. While many of us like to move on to the next boyfriend or girlfriend ASAP, this doesn’t serve our best interests. We need to take some time, feel the sadness, and get to know ourselves again. This doesn’t happen overnight. And it sure doesn’t happen by moving from one boyfriend or girlfriend to the next.
The bottom line? Slow down. Take small steps forward. You will get through it.
Don’t rush the process.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Agreed with and commented upon on Cupid’s Pulse. 🙂
Thanks Wilmaryad! Can I just say I loved your Susan Boyle post? Check it out people…he compares the SB single (50, virginal, not dating) to the more “normal” stereotype (hook-ups a-plenty). I was an SB single. Not actually by choice, but let’s just say I went on a lot of first dates and few second ones. Cheer up, my friend. Don’t say hello to spinsterhood. Us SB’s can find some good loves.
http://gayarabguy.blogspot.com/2011/02/susan-boyle-singles-selling-out.html
A really good post, and great advice! We are made to feel as though we have to process everything quickly; our society is one of instant ‘fix’ and this can be damaging. If you don’t process grief and loss you carry it into your subsequent relationships, which is not good for you or your future partners!
http://www.harrietbond.com
This is true, but could this also come with a set of instructions please?
Hey D, thanks for checking in! Like your blog.
I would like a set of instructions for life in general please. I don’t think there are any quick fixes, though.
I would say in general, if you are someone who jumps from relationship to relationship, don’t do that again. Wait. If you tend to hole yourself up in your apartment, go out. Do whatever DOESN’T come naturally. Chances are those small acts of courage will change things in a big way in your life.