I’m trying to keep an open mind here, but dating is turning into a bit of a circus. I’m talking about Brian, the 23-year old in NYC who plans to go on 30 dates in 30 days, and leave all of his matchmaking, moves, etc. to those of us on the Interwebs…specifically Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube.
He recently broke up from a long-term relationship, and I guess this is a way to go about getting dates. Or at least a lot of attention, which could land him someone like a Kardashian sister or Taylor Momsen..(wait, that wouldn’t be legal). Anyway, the whole thing seems kind of like a movie or tv show waiting to happen. (Anyone remember that documentary My Date with Drew? Watch it—hilarious.) It’s more of a smart business move than a real play for finding love. Although he needs to lose the capris. I know NYC is hot this summer, but that isn’t going to impress the girls.
Ok, maybe I’m contributing to the hype by writing about it, but I feel like this misses the point of dating.
Many people are looking for that one person—the needle in the haystack so to speak, and they’ll go on an infinite number of dates until that special someone shows up. Until then, the other dates are white noise, irrelevant, just numbers. This is where I have a problem.
I went into speed dating hoping to sift through the masses, so I understand the mentality of dating a lot of people until you meet the one that is right for you. However in the process of dating all these people, I didn’t really connect with them, at least enough to find out what I really wanted. I would date them, be nice, and politely decline a second date. I knew what I wanted, or thought I did, and none of my dates fit. So, it was always on to the next for me.
In a sense, I felt it was a process of elimination.
But dating isn’t a numbers game. As I learned from someone way more spiritual than I am, each person we interact with has an effect on our lives: especially our perception. In meeting each new person, we have a chance to change. We have choices: we can choose to have a good time or a bad time. We can choose to ignore the person or engage with them. All of these choices affect us, affect our experience, and ultimately affect our perception.
I’m not saying that all dates can be fantastic with the right attitude, but I do think when we date, we have a chance to learn something about ourselves that we haven’t seen before. But most of us have tunnel vision, and we move right through to the next date, and the next, hoping for something to be different.
Anyway, Brian is leaving his dating life in the hands of the social media universe. Maybe he’ll find someone great because he will be forced to break out of his old patterns, since others will be telling him where to go and what to do every step of the way. Or maybe he won’t recognize someone great because he’ll be caught up in this game and listening to everyone but himself.
Sorry for all the tangents. Brian’s plight aside, he’s only 23, so he has plenty of time to find the right girl. While I don’t think this is the best way, he’s probably not looking to meet his future wife. As long as he knows that, he should carry on and get the film rights sold.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Excuse me for having an allergy to reading “Wisconsinite” “guy” “moved to New York” and “dating” in the same sentence. It reminds me of a nightmarish 6-month-long e-encounter.
Brian looks and sounds like my 13-year-old cousin. Only she has freckles. What’s up with his inability to sit still while talking? That should make for interesting jitterbug dates. ,-)
You’re right, though, Kelly. Each date teaches us something about our date and ourselves. It’s sad people seem to have forgotten about how fun dating can be. Bedding a date, in my unpopular opinion, kills the date. Do you think sex should be included in dating?
You’re right, sounds like a reality show waiting to happen. Hey, if he’s just trying to sow some oats to cushion the blow after the end of a long-term relationship, go for it. If he’s trying to honesty find “true love”? Well, he should take a lesson from The Bachelor; how well did all those relationships work out for those guys?
Speed dating rubs me the wrong way for the exact same reason. One wonders how you can *really* tell a genuine gift of a man when you have people running through an assembly line to impress you for a mere 2 minutes. We give *bad* dates more time than that.
Wilmaryad—thanks for stopping by! I always appreciate your thoughtful comments. I agree—good luck to Brian. Maybe he’ll get lucky in 10 years? As far as sex being included in dating, I guess I should ask what you mean exactly. If you mean the objective of dating is only to have sex, i agree it totally misses the point. But I do think sex is an important step when you’re dating someone to find out if you’re compatible.
Soloat30 – Funny you should mention assembly line dating—there was a reality dating show a few months ago where a woman would sit in a chair while men came by on a conveyor belt for her to choose. Totally creepy and weird. Anyway yes…it’s not about speeding through meeting people, it’s about knowing what you want and being ready for a relationship, which I think Brian is not really looking for at this point.
Wonderful site and theme, would really like to see a bit more content though!
Great post all around, added your XML feed! Love this theme, too!
Ha ha, you are absolutely right there. He is still young. Settling down now for him does not sound like in the cards right now.
Hi! Saw your website in a Google search. I’ve been having a hard time and been trying to remind myself that dating is just a numbers game. But you’re right, it’s not. You say very wisely that, “each person we interact with has an effect on our lives: especially our perception.”
That changes things for me. It makes me a little more optimistic, a little more adventurous. I mean, like they say, “the past is history but the future is a mystery.” Makes dating seem a lot more interesting than a simple statistical exercise.
Thanks for your post.