I was having dinner with a friend tonight. He’s single and likes to go out and meet girls in clubs, bars, and all the usual predatory places. Except that he is looking for a long-term relationship. A girl to marry and who’ll want to have lots of babies. Well, three. That seems a lot to me. He’s also a nice, morally straight-ahead guy. In fact he goes to church every week. I don’t know anyone who still goes to church on a regular basis.
Anyway, I was asking him what he is looking for in a girlfriend or potential partner. He listed all the basics, not much more:
She is hot
She is nice..girl next door type
She is smart and easy to talk to
She has a positive, upbeat demeaner
She is hot
Did I mention he wants her to be hot? Well, he did make a good point about dating in a city like L.A. Here, there are a lot of choices and a lot of model/ actress types, so there are plenty of hot girls. Why settle? So, when he meets one and they go out, if he finds himself looking around for potentially hotter girls, he decides she’s not worth pursuing. It’s an endless game of chase.
I guess my question to the guys out there is…what do you really want, the hot model or the girl next door?
And I guess the follow up would be…if you are primarily meeting girls at bars, you’re likely looking for something different than a girl-next-door nice type. Fun night doesn’t necessarily mean lasting relationship. I’m not dissing the bar scene, I’m simply stating that if you prefer bars and clubs to other ways of meeting dates, you’re likely looking for relationships that don’t have much staying power. He claimed the hot girls don’t go to church functions, so it’s kind of a waste of time. You get my point.
I say, if you want the hot girl, own it. Don’t sugarcoat it for the rest of us. You’re the one who wants to date her.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
I can’t remember the song – but the lyric about wanting a woman to be a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom. That pretty much sums up what most guys want. I would add to that the ability to make a nice lasagne.
*Read about my dating disasters at plentymorefishoutofwater*
You’re so right-the hot girl at the bar doesn’t have staying power. If he’s a regular church goer, he needs to meet someone who has similar values. Maybe he needs to find a new church, not a new bar. Sounds like he’s not really all that ready to settle down yet.
Fishy—I didn’t want to bring up music, but wasn’t it a Ludicris song? It was going through my head while writing the post. Creepy.
DateGirl – So true!! He claims to want to settle down, but not really.
I’m wondering how old this guy is? First of all, most guys in their twenties walk around with their tongues hanging out being led around by their “other” brain.
But what he’s saying is, He WANTS IT ALL! Well, so don’t we all. Women included!
But at some point, many Guys, although not all, start redefining what “ALL” is. That’s not to say “Settle.” It’s understanding that women aren’t these perfect little pictures we see in the magazines. They are much more interesting because of their imperfections.
But if this CAT(jazz lingo) is hanging out in the bars, he may be one of those guys who never figures it out until it’s too late.
Is he just a friend of yours or someone that you thought was a possibility to date?
Ha—so true! He’s in his thirties but dating like a twenty-something for sure. We’re related so I wouldn’t date him…(I know I’m from Texas but that’s just wrong).
Thanks for saying women are more interesting with imperfections. Many of us feel the need to be the perfect package, and it doesn’t work.
Yes, even from Texas that would be wrong…..well most of Texas anyway.
I think there’s some cognitive dissonance going on in our brains, for sure… our brains definitely *think* we want the girl next door, but it may take a couple of “lessons learned” until the rest of our body gets the message…