There was a survey conducted recently by online dating company DatetheUK among 2,000 of its members. When asked whether they had broken up with somebody via text, Twitter, Facebook, or email, more than half of those surveyed responded yes.
To be exact, 34% had broken up over email, 13% over Facebook via the status change (lame), 6% over Twitter—though they didn’t specify whether these were DMs or public tweets, and another 2% over text. Classy. 38% actually ended things face to face and the last 8% used the phone (talking, not texting).
I need to know more details before I say that digital dumping is a horrible thing…the survey didn’t say how long the participants were in relationships before they ended them. For instance, when I was online dating and had a couple of dates with guys who weren’t right for me, I felt ok about emailing a “thanks but there’s no chemistry here” email. If I felt really bad I used the “It’s not you, it’s me—I’m not ready for a relationship” excuse. Yes, I’ve been that girl.
But if I’ve been dating someone for a few months or been out on more than a handful of dates, I can’t really see justifying breaking up over email…and changing my Facebook status or announcing the break-up over Twitter is just wrong. Break-up explanations deserve more than 140 characters, and some privacy. Now that I bring it up, I would not have put the “in a relationship” status on my FB page to begin with if I really liked the guy. But that’s because I’m superstitious.
The Frisky makes a good point about this trend—most of our relationships take place over text, FB and Twitter, so it’s only appropriate that break-ups follow. This to me is a depressing thought…like when I see a group of friends together at dinner and none of them are talking because they are busy texting or tweeting other friends. The friends who are absent have become the most important. So what’s the point of actually meeting someone in person if that’s the way you prefer to communicate?
What are your thoughts—How do you break up with someone?
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Any more than seven dates and you have to break up face to face. Before that, anything goes. Date 10 is where it gets tricky, because it’s at that point that the presumption to borrow each other’s stuff comes into play. Dumping someone who has your Sopranos DVD is tricky – trust me I know.
*Read about my dating disasters at plentymorefishoutofwater*
Please delete the first comment – I cutted and pasted my blog link and accidentally included something else….great post BTW
Ha! Good point. Anytime somebody has stuff of mine I tread lightly. I’m pretty reserved when it comes to lending anyway…although my Scrubs collection (seasons 1-4) is history.
I do think that this is a disturbing trend. I hope that people aren’t losing their ability to communicate face to face. We’ve had people post on our site that have had such great cyber conversations with people that they’ve met online that they are afraid to meet them in person–now that’s scary.
I do think it’s rotten to break up via email FaceBook etc, especially those people who just change their status and hope that the other person will notice. I do agree that if it has been one or two casual dates that it would be acceptable, but that’s about it.
I remember “breaking up” in a letter when I was in sixth grade. I still feel guilty about it…. and that was, well…….let’s just say, a WHILE AGO!!!!
I don’t care how people communicate, or how they initiate a relationship. It’s still not cool to END something this way.
And as far as people twittering and texting at dinner. Also, not OK. That sends a clear message that they’d rather be hanging out with their other friends. There’s a disturbing trend going on.
Face to Face is the only way to go honestly!
The difference between face-to-face and other forms of communication is the difference between taking a shower naked and with a raincoat on. Something like 90% of the basis for communication is lost in an e-mail or similar tweet, text message, whatever. Inasmuch as the receiver is left largely defenseless, such one-way communication is cowardly and demeaning. If the intention is hostile, it might be appropriate but it’s still cowardly. The phone is a little better. At least it’s interactive and there is tone-of-voice. But on the other hand, a phone conversation can be ended by just hanging up—usually no more than the push of a button nowadays. And some phone conversations are one-way. Unless physical violence is suspected, it is still the cowardly approach. Face-to-face communication incorporates body language, facial expression, tone-of-voice, even touch and scent in the interaction. Communication on sensitive matters is difficult enough without using impersonal methods. And if the parting is amicable, how do you give someone a hug in an e-mail? Hiding behind impersonal, one-way communication indicates a weak personality, lack of sensitivity, and poor social skills. Could be the receiver is better off without the relationship.