COVID-19 has brought out my inner introvert. I’ve been able to partially retreat from the world, aside from the Zoom calls and typical work stuff, and I feel a bit of relief. Truth be told, I think I needed a break from constantly moving and striving and setting new goals, which is somewhat of a sport for people in L.A. But I also noticed that I’m retreating from my personal relationships, too.
I have not reached out as often as I should, despite thinking about my friends and family all the time. My relationships have suffered.
It feels too much right now, to offer a joke or upbeat phone call when inside I’m struggling to figure out what is happening and what it all means. What I’m supposed to do. How I can protect the people I love. Instead, I retreat.
Let me be clear. COVID-19 has brought up a lot of emotions for people around the world. Many of us are struggling to get through the day and sheltering at home (what day is it anyway?). If we’re lucky, we can work from home, but there are so many people who don’t know where the next rent payment will come from or who are working on the frontlines during the pandemic, just trying to keep it together. I’m in a good place, all things considered. I do not take it for granted. There are many things to talk about here, but I’m going to focus on our collective relationship challenges in quarantine.
Quarantine has been difficult. As we are already starting to see, a month or two of lockdown was too much for many people. We’ve started easing our self-imposed restrictions and going to parks, to the beach, or taking long drives to play in a field of poppies. Some people have protested lockdown altogether, calling for society to return to “normal” — whatever that might look like.
I think underlying this need to “get out” is really our collective need to be with each other.
Having virtual tools at our disposal has helped. There are so many people using dating apps, and Tinder reported its best day ever with 3 billion swipes in late March. People are now virtual dating to meet others – whether it’s over Zoom or FaceTime or a dating app. People adapt so they can connect. But still, there is something missing.
We took for granted all the access we had to connect with people before COVID-19.
It was easy to reach out to others over social media or a dating app, to flirt without ever having to commit to meeting in person. Why waste time having drinks or a coffee when there were so many options? Why get together with a friend when you could text?
After two months in lockdown, I don’t care to do another Zoom call for the rest of time.
We have learned that we don’t have so much access – new relationships must stay virtual, at least for now. When we can see others, we have to be socially distant. We can’t just reach out and hug, or even offer a handshake. Maybe some people don’t care and are taking their chances, but most people aren’t willing to risk it.
For a long time, I assume we will be weary of getting too physically close. And I think this will change the way we look at relationships.
I think we will be more grateful for and accepting of each other. Maybe we won’t be so flakey and cancel plans at the last minute. Maybe we will want to spend real time together in person, not giving into distraction. Maybe we will put more effort into building romantic relationships instead of ditching them when it gets hard. Maybe we will choose to connect with people on a deeper level, instead of just keeping things light or breadcrumbing our way around commitment. Maybe we will be vulnerable enough now to love more.
I’m kind of hoping this lockdown brings back a sense of personal connection for us. That we don’t look at people as interchangeable and easily disposed of (like how we automatically swipe through a dating app when we’re bored or lonely), or that we put our phones down when we can once again see each other in person. That we celebrate connection, relationships, and being together.
Maybe my hesitation to reach out to friends isn’t about avoidance. My inner introvert is not ready to go back to the way it was. What I really want is something new, something better.
Maybe change starts with something simple, like reaching out to the people I care about to tell them how much they mean to me – before we are all back in the world, resuming its frantic pace. Retreating helped me in this way. It taught me to really value my friendships, my connection to others. The forced break gave me time to consider what’s most important.
XO,
Kelly
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
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