Okay, I’m a little late to the party. Ok, really late. I’m talking about the literary phenomenon that is 50 Shades of Grey. And while I could talk about it in this blog post, I think it’s been talked to death. So instead, I’m going to focus on the main character, Christian Grey. Or at least the type of man he portrays (aside from the BDSM, I’m talking about his general emotional unavailability).
I’m a little skeptical about us women and our dating preferences. I don’t mean to lump us all in the same love boat, but how many weeks can this trilogy top The New York Times bestsellers list? 20? 40? 100? I don’t know, and I’ve lost count. The fact is, we can’t seem to get enough of these stories about winning over the bad boy – making him love us. Sex and the City did it with Mr. Big. Countless of us women have pursued unhealthy relationships – for sex, or need, or lust, or just plain to do something exciting. And no matter what we tell ourselves about how we know better and who to avoid in the future, we still keep going back and falling for the unavailable, unattainable guy. We want him. So badly.
Which leads me to my question – what is it that we get out of it? Are we looking to change someone for the better, be the hero in someone else’s love life? I think of us women being the knight galloping in on the white horse to save these men from themselves. Or is it something else altogether? Do we want something to excite us out of our daily routines, to make us remember the excitement we felt at that first kiss? Or do we think that in our cores – the very essence of who we are – that we aren’t worth a good man?
I don’t know, and maybe it’s different for each of us. All I know is, we have to break the pattern. Bad guys don’t change because we ask them to. They only change when they are ready, willing and able. Same for each of us – we can only change ourselves, and yet we kill ourselves trying to change other people, making us even more depressed and unhappy. Why do we do it? Why not just cut our losses and move on to something better and more fulfilling?
I don’t have the answers, but I’m hoping that if you’re reading this and clinging to a dead-end relationship, you’ll think about breaking those ties. Someone better is out there. Maybe that’s all we need to know.
About Kelly Seal
Kelly is a freelance writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She blogs about dating, relationships, personal growth and what "healthy living" means to her. You can follow her on Google+, Twitter @kellyseal or through her website www.kellyseal.com.
Kelly, that was a good post. I agree with you that women and men need to both break it off in the relationships that are dead-end. Do you really want to be with someone who makes you feel miserable? The bad boy is cool when you’re in high school, but that’s not really the best option for you when you want to get married and eventually have kids. Great blog! I also live in LA and am a dating coach, contact me if you’re interested in connecting!
I will not lie to you. When it comes to dating, looks and wgieht are very important. You can have all the self esteem in the world, but if the guy/girl you like isn’t attracted to your looks/ body type, it won’t make one bit of difference. We humans are funny that way. We are attracted to what we are attracted to, and there isn’t much we can do about it. Getting back to your original question though, I believe the reason people say, Have more confidence. is because someone who is secure and confident usually doesn’t ask questions about wgieht or height. I think people just assume that you are insecure, because you have ask the questions. Assumptions are never a good thing, though. Good luck on reaching your target wgieht. For some people it can be a constant and uphill battle, that is very frustrating.